Pandemonia

The Licence Fee, Pardon my French!

2010-07-20T22:18:00.001Z

I watch far more of the BBC than any other channel. We have freeview after I realised that I watch far more there than I ever did on Sky. However ITV1 should show people what the BBC could become. It's job is to provide something for everyone. To be fair I would pay for the license fee for Doctor Who, QI, a good chunk of their comedy and the news (yes, not a fan of the new news website). I understand that people object to paying a flat rate tax for a service that they may not use - personally it would be nice if it could be on a sliding scale according to income but that would be hell to organise. However what it does produce compared to the alternatives far outweigh the costs. If the government funded it directly you'd probably never notice the difference but it would leave the BBC under the control of the government and we have enough of that with the press. I can't think of anything on ITV1 that people watch apart from reality TV, which cost little as people already pay a tax to watch that in order to vote and of course Coronation Street.

We are the envy of the world! Have you ever watched TV in other countries? It's either rubbish or our stuff. America produces some good stuff but the population is huge so the income is huge. And they have adverts in some programmes every 3 minutes that last longer!

Yes, they could tighten up their act and we should ensure that they're running efficiently but to do without them and rely on advertisers to judge what they're prepared to support would leave us with unchallenging, non-controversial programming.

And it's worth remembering the commercial channels produce what they do to compete with the BBC. It drags up the quality of TV accross the board. Without it quality would sag like a set of Primark knickers after some heavy washing and would be as interesting to see.

So do you want saggy Primark knickers? Do you?

Join SAILBOAT

2010-06-03T11:00:00.000Z

Do you, or do someone you live with suffer from diminished intelligence?

Due to government concerns that the lack of a capable and intelligent workforce in the future and the potential shortfall in taxation due to the high number of slack-jawed yokels claiming benefit, a survey is being taken to assess the problem.

Over the coming weeks, if you have a member of your household who is suffering from an inability to form sentences apart from “You're in front of t' telly!”, “Poofs/Blacks/Muslims/women is wrong!” and “Get me a beer.” They may also have a number of friends or 'mates' who wear synthetic tops with numbers on, or advertise banks that have made you as poor as you are now. Are they unsatisfying in the bedroom, thinking only of themselves? Are they insensitive, boorish or spongelike? Are they possibly made of fat?

If you have someone like this in your home please hang a white flag with a red cross on it outside your home. Our survey will be able to identify how widespread the problem is. If you feel that you or your household members are of particular concern please also tag their car/van.

If they additionally happen to have a penis smaller than 3cm can you instruct them to drive around in their vehicle blowing their horn after a football match win? It will make tracking down these poor wastes of blood and their removal from the gene pool so much easier.

Thank you for your assistance.

SAILBOAT
(Society for the Abolition of Illiterate, Loutish, Bastards Obsessed About Tits)

Moving in a Mysterious Way

2010-03-23T17:42:00.000Z

Well, it’s been a while – and a rather eventful one at that.

Our birthdays went well, our life continues. The recession bit and Woolies closed.

Bankers were pariahed and then paid a lot to put things right for us.

The public sector were told they were bad for taking away all the money – they’d probably stolen it off the bankers – and that they wouldn’t be getting any more as rubbish collection, teaching, supporting the elderly and ensuring that the public were safe was not nearly so important as having a Porsche and living in a detached house in Surrey with a trophy wife called Porscha.

We watched as the Government managed to lead the world – to the acknowledgement of the world - in strategies to resolve the debt only to read in the papers that Gordon Brown was personally responsible for the recession and he must’ve travelled to the States to bring down the whole, wobbly, foundation of Capitalism. In short, he managed something that Communism didn’t manage to do. Not only that, he was responsible for simultaneously leading us in the wrong direction and failing to lead us. And having poor handwriting – blind or not, he should try harder.

Christmas came and went. We followed the recession spirit and had a family oriented cheapy which worked very well.

We also had three Doctor Who specials

The Waters of Mars
A sinister dark non-starter. The Doctor arrives on Mars before the first base is destroyed. He knows everyone is going to die but not how. 40 mins later he buggers off to let them get on with it and then decides he’s in charge of time and rather than get the TARDIS and save them he runs back, sends a comedy robot to get the TARDIS and saves the last three. One of whom shoots herself to show the error of his time meddling ways. Rather than, say, shooting him.

Ood Sigma turns up to sing at him.

The End of Time – Part One
The Master is resurrected. Wilf wants the Doctor to save Donna. The Doctor refuses. The Master turns everyone into copies of himself. Wilf asks the Doctor to kill the Master and return everyone back to normal. The Doctor refuses. The Master finds a way to save the Time Lords. The Doctor grabs a gun. He’s a bit contrary today.

And Donna has a headache.

The End of Time – Part Two
Donnas’ headache causes her to have a nap, and knock out every copy of the Master in Chiswick. The Time Lords try to bring Gallifrey back in our Solar System – The World is in Peril… more Peril. The Doctor shoots the jury rigged network server with a diamond in it and everything twangs back into place.

Wilf got locked in a box and the Doctor triggers his regeneration by saving him.
He then goes for a few quick trips, shopping for books and lottery tickets for the afterlife, sets up Captain Jack with someone lonely, depressed and half his visible age, provides the kind of brooding, non-talking presence that might persuade Martha to go back to doctoring rather than running around with Mickey the Grunt with the worst hair extensions, has a quick grope of Sarah Jane’s adopted son and messes with his own timeline by setting a bomb in Rose Tyler’s flat to make sure her mum never travels with him.

He then regenerates – which breaks the TARDIS. See I told you better out than in!

His new persona then spouts ‘Catchphrase’!

Well that’s us up to date.
The future lies this way…

Torchwood 3

2009-07-09T18:35:00.002Z

Well, what a suprise. Capt Jack's a bad guy. Why is everyone suprised?

Anyway, more corridors and posturing. Still good to see the team back together and thieving as well. Quite fun.

A friend suggested that the 456 are Zarbi with a cold. I thought Zarbi with Swine Flu.

##Yesss## Splash of Mucus. Maybe melted children are Zarbi linctus?

Give us 10% or you're all dead? If you can do that, why not just take 10%? Why chat about it?

Torchwood 2

2009-07-09T18:30:00.002Z

Well, another good episode - more of a corridor story than advancing too much but some good 'feeehulings' stuff with the families.

And Jack's grandchild. Just the one?

And they're not doing too much bitching at each other.

And Jack had his cock out - finally. I get the impression that Mr Barrowman has been glued into his outfit in order to prevent repeated nudity. He looked like he was having fun anyway.

And. Sloooooowest escape ever!

Children of Earth

2009-07-07T18:34:00.004Z

Well that was pretty impressive. Nicely written with good characterisation and great plot twists and turns.

Great points.

The Children - bloody scary.
Torchwood - finally seem to be pulled together and coherent. And positive. Hearing Gwen talking about the positives of working for Torchwood was great. Now I want to see it!
The civil service elete and MPs out for themselves and watching their own backs - very topical!
Clement - an interesting damaged character - hopefully more to come.
Dr Rupesh Patanjali - shame! Pretty!
A bomb in Capt Jack! And Torchwood in pieces!
Baby Gwen! Ahhhh!
And triple deadlock can't keep out teenagers on a council estate. It was always a rubbish plot device and seeing people mooning at it from the Torchwood truck was great!

2009-04-02T12:18:00.000Z

I'm horrified. London is no more having been destroyed by G20 protesters! This picture is where Lloyds used to be! According to the Evening Standard anyway. And remember, those Catholic-Muslim-Lesbian-Asylum Seeking Immigrant-Single Mums - they'll be coming for you next!

Honestly, what is the problem with the media? It's not just the Standard. They're all making the news now rather than reporting it. It's been there for a long time but when you live in London and you see what happens you do end up wondering if there's another London somewhere in the UK that no one has told you about!

Anarchy in the UK... again.

2009-04-01T16:15:00.000Z

I'm panicking! The media have told me to. I'm also completely unable to cope. Apparently. And I live in Zone 1 so have barricaded the doors and booby trapped the lift and the staircase. Just for self-defence. Those pesky protesters wanting to kill me with their peaceful protests!

I hope I live through the night and they don't get a cossack to bomb me!

Exposure

2009-02-06T08:10:00.004Z

Facebook is something that has made me wince in places. Most of the time it's a useful tool. You're able to communicate what you need and make easy linkages with friends. Sometimes it's more exposing. I've found people often expressing themselves in writing all to hastily to be wise. I've seen friends pop in and out of their relationships with indecent haste and, in many ways like blogging, they've said some pretty revealing things.

This is good, even though my repressed British spirit does say that it's unsettled.

Often it's about a lack of confidence and self-worth. Sometimes I worry that I'm the most confident person I know and whether that makes me less talented, capable, even insightful than people I recognise as being good and talented people who don't bloody realise it. How oxymoronic is that!

I honestly think that the only thing holding back the universe is a voice in our head going "No one likes you! You're no good at that! Don't try it you'll waste your time! Envy! Jealousy!"

Fight it people. You're worth more than you think. In most cases a lot more!

The Voting Public

2008-11-25T08:44:00.000Z

This is one of the fundamental problems with reality TV - it's not about talent or skills, it's about likeability - or the lack thereof. The British public feel that they can influence anything they want for the most spurious of reasons.

They vote for people because:
A) They're nice, but often not too nice.
B) They’re pretty, but not too pretty.
C) They're good at something unrelated. i.e. (I'll vote for my favourite football player even though they're plainly rubbish at ice skating in scuba gear.
D) They're not the judge’s choice and the judges were a bit rude about them.
E) They're the underdog.

Now we like the underdog, it's one of those things that exemplify the British psyche. We think that it's jolly unfair if they don't have a chance. This is a commendable feature up to a point, but coupled with our tendency to take our pleasures sadly and glory in failure, it does mean that we're destined for Jordan to be our Prime Minister. A) She’s easy – good to know if you’re an outraged fad middle aged Daily Mail reader – even you are in with a chance! B) She's considered by some to have the criteria for being pretty (that’s not the word, there needs to be one, maybe glamonster) – but a bit tacky, both physically and conceptually. C) She’s good at self publicising – not just positive publicity but any.
D) Everyone thinks she’s quite dumb so therefore deserves a chance to prove she’s not – or at least until she does something really stupid.
E) She’s low down the social scale and she’s a dog.

That coupled with the national disaster’s that’d occur if she was in charge – well glory in her failure – just what the country likes and there’s never be a time when we didn’t know what was going on! She’d be monitored 24 hours a day.

And the public absolve themselves from blame about the situation. We chose her and she messed it up. Of course she messed it up – you chose her.

Remember politics no one voted for Margaret Thatcher, John Major, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown. We voted for (or against) the parties that they represent. And people, don’t kick up a fuss because someone you don’t like is in charge of the party. You gave them the ability to be there – and it could always be worse. Jordan’ll give anything a go. Ask Gareth Gates.

Banker rhymes with...

2008-10-05T11:13:00.005Z

Having seen the last blog entry of the inestimable Rob, and realising I've been a bit remiss in not updating for a while

It's terrifying to think that such a large chunk of our economy is based on moving money around and guessing how much things that don't exist will be when they do exist. Betting is a way for an individual to make money (or more often loose money) but should not be the way a civilisation creates wealth in an abstract sense.

Everything is a bet in life. Will the crops grow? Will the film
be popular? Will we run out of water? However those are productive betting processes with aspects we can control. Will the crops grow? I'll tend them more? Will the film be popular? We'll put gunfire and titties in it. Will we run out of water? We'll conserve it. However, the Stock Exchange is a weird place. The idea that you can bet on production and make money from them whether or not they do well or badly seems such a strange concept. Essentially it seems like a farmer whose crops fail and goes, thank goodness. I had bet that they would so I've made lots of money. It produces nothing and benefits, directly at least, very few. It also, and this is very weird, it appears to underpin our entire financial system.

We are beholden to a collection of people who, when calm, bet that everything will get more valuable on the whole and then, when like oil and house prices rocket beyond the reach of most people, panic that the economy is in recession. This panic is insidious. If, on the day of the panic, the water of the Stock exchange was spiked with Valium and Prozac rather than the usual Cocaine and Caffeine then the crash wouldn't happen, or at least much slower and calmer. People panic and sell, which causes stock prices to crash, causing more people to panic and sell. I think you can see the problem here. Panic and hysteria are the motivating forces and they aren't the best ones.

Ultimately the problem affects shareholders rather than the general public – apart from in sideways effects like pension funds. The companies often stay in business. People still need umbrellas and track suits and t-shirts, but the shareholders who bought shares for £10 each and have sold for £5 have lost half their money. On the other hand, if they waited 5 years they'd probably have made money, but no-one wants to wait now.

More interestingly is that at each stage of this process the brokers tend to have made money. If we have to bail out banks and bankers to ensure economic stability we should be able to make some robust changes to the structure of the system to make it more equitable, transparent and based on something real.

Maybe the hollowed out skulls of bankers who wail that they need an income in the kind of bracket that makes most peoples knuckles itch. Really, it's probably why I'm not in that kind of business. I tend not to panic so would be useless in a system like that. Apart from wandering around telling people to calm down.

Much as I do now really. On the other hand. This might be a good time to invest in Prozac shares.

Party, party, party!

2008-09-01T10:33:00.002Z

Well it’s been a busy weekend. Got in contact with an old friend. Had a long overdue housewarming party and had a visit from the in-laws.

From the top – Emma, an old friend from Uni got in touch by Facebook. I like Facebook as it means you can stay in contact with people by doing – well, nothing really. And I’m very good at that. I leave it a bit and then it turns into 5 years. I think I’m living like I’m going to die at 1000 years old – my life seems to be paced that way in some ways. Anyway that was lovely.

Then we have the party. The inestimable Rob and that whippersnapper Chris had a housewarming party. I hasten to add that this is at least 3 houses down the line. They have been pressurised by friends to organise a housewarming and essentially set it up in such a way as to make it nigh on impossible for people to attend. I myself had to cancel the removal of three cysts and a teapot in order to attend.

There were nibbles and Dante’s Cove and Chris and Rob and his infernal I-Phone.

And there were the guests.

All seven of us.

Boys you missed the point. Having a party that no one can attend merely makes people want you to have one they can attend.

Particularly if people give glowing praise to the party.

So may I say now what a delight the evening was – the amount of exposed flesh was probably illegal. Particularly since some of it was by Tracy Scoggins, wearing stocking style legwarmers on her arms of all things. The food was a delightful juxtaposition of flavours and there is enough alcohol there for at least 3 more parties – or an evening in. And the hallway carpet has now been washed. There’s a tanning booth in the bathroom and an elderley relative in the cistern.

Rob’s musical selection is inventive and eclectic.

See! If that doesn’t get the buggers round I don’t know what will.

My mother in law and stepfather-in-law popped over on Sunday and we had a lovely chat and a nice meal at Sorrisso http://www.london-se1.co.uk/restaurants/info/664/sorriso. Very good food and they do a weekday lunchtime special of £599 for 2 courses and a glass of wine. Very nice.

Dramarama

2008-08-21T13:09:00.000Z

I have wondered if my partner could find some soothing past-time to do. Soothing for me too that is. I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer is probably no. Which is a shame.

Here is my event path for a generic soothing activity.

Painting flowers.

If he painted flowers things would be fine for about 2 minutes – just enough time to get inconveniently far away and yet close enough to hear.

I'd get "Is this the right colour?"
“Can you find me some nicer flowers?”
“Can you hold the easel? It seems wobbly when I paint!”
"Can you get me some fresh water?"

After going to get the water and being stopped a couple of times rather than asked all things at the same time I would return to see the easel on fire, the paint was up the wall, he’d managed to swallow the only toxic flower in the bunch and he'd gouged out an eye with the paintbrush!

Not that of course I'd consider it done on purpose but it would add drama what should be a relaxing situation.

It’s bad because I’m starting to do things for him to prevent the coming disaster.

I suppose I should just let him get on with it and then act like it’s a catastrophic disaster and make him go and stay with his mother until ‘my shattered life can be rebuilt’ ,!

I mean that would meet the required level of melodrama? Eh?

Windows, windows...

2008-08-20T08:21:00.003Z

I’ve lived here for eight and a half years.

Each Year we’re told that there will be a refurbishment of the block.

Each year it’s failed to happen.

Until today. Today we are getting new windows. Yaaaay!

Sadly the new kitchen was cancelled by the council.

Oh, yes and the new bathroom.

And the rewiring.

And they won’t be replacing the windowsills.

Or making good.

And they started the roof before replacing the windows.

So everything got covered in grit.

But the windows are being done.

Whoop-de-do

Shake, Rattle and Roll

2008-08-08T20:18:00.002Z

The ear saga continues...

My hubby has just started taking statins as he has a natural predisposition to high cholesterol. He's also taking antibiotics for his ears together with aspirin and paracetamol for the pain.

So he's rattling.

Or at least that's the noise he's making.

I have heard about his hearing.

And how painful his ears are.

And that it's really painful.

And I am sympathetic.

But if this is going on for 2 months I'm going to go down for manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

Bless.

Bang Bang

2008-08-05T10:03:00.000Z

He shot himself down is not the way the song lyrics go but sadly he did.

My delightful partner decided to clean his ears after a shower, but rather than just do that he put in the cotton buds, wandered around the house, flapping, and then tried to do his hair, having forgotten about his ear cleaning which resulted in him popping an eardrum. Unfortunately his Italian bent caused him to "Mamma Mia" style clasp of the face on either side causing the one he'd left in the other ear to pop that eardrum. To be fair he coped with it in a suprisingly normal manner for him. Panic.

He’s been told they’ll grow back within 2 months and to keep them dry.

I am awaiting a water tank to burst over his head.

Ups and downs.

2008-06-25T17:07:00.003Z

Well it's been a bit busy over the last 11 weeks. We're due to have our windows replaced soon and all the mess that'll make, it's out birthday coming up and Doctor Who is about to wind up as a series for 2 years.

Gosh, I feel palpitations coming on!

Behind the wheel.

2008-04-05T19:12:00.003Z

It is scary.

I am about to try driving for the first time ever.

And I am crapping myself. To be honest.

...and a new beginning!

2008-04-05T19:01:00.005Z

Doctor Who. Glad to have it back and a good fun reintroductory romp with Donna and the Doctor. Both paralelling themselves to the point at which they meet, and rather unfortunately do so in front of the baddie. Mis Foster - well it was Miss Wormwood wasn't it. Great but I've seen it before. The Adipose are sweet and frankly I can think of some dieters who would be happy to take the pills if they'd just take the fat. The drop and subsequent splat of Miss Foster was a bit heavy handed and the cheesy flypast was, well, cheesy. Overall it was really a Sarah Jane Adventures with the Doctor.

At least until Rose.

And Rose - well we'd heard she was back but weren't expecting it this end of the season. It looked like she was waiting for Donna and looked so upset.

Maybe she knows something about Donna's future.

If she has one...

An ending...

2008-04-05T17:00:00.000Z

Torchwood was a bit of a blast last night. Visually very impressive and with some peril that could've been lifted from the Jon/Tom era - exploding nuclear power station. No explanation for the strange voiced scythemen.

And then we sadly come to the downside. Gray - Cpt Jack's baby brother. Back for revenge for having his hand let go of a few years (relative time) back. Motivation, sure but surely not really a Big Bad for the series end. Did some terrible things but hey! How quickly did he get over it? And Jack buried for 2000 years. He said he had a bit of grey here and there after 100 years waiting for the Doctor yet after 2000 years in a box he seemed pretty OK. And again with the I forgive you. He's killed #~@{}_+ >@}@~}:@> of people including Torchwood members and 'I forgive you'. And how quick did he get over his brotherly anger.

The death scenes, particularly Tosh's were handled superbly but I have to say that I would prefer a stronger motivation and better characterisation of a villan character. How many people who've suffered torture go on to blow up major cities when they want to get their own back on someone. And where do you get a Weevil remote control.

Bless...poor Tosh.

La Hoya/Herradura

2008-03-11T11:39:00.000Z

Well it's been a lovely time. 8 days of sunshine and 24+C, it's been glorious. On our visit this time we had.
Mother chair jiving
Karaoke in the style of Opera
Albondigas coming out of our ears.
A Gigantic puppy
Hubby on fire.
Lunch in the Chapel
Gossip of a drunken fight
Combat Bingo.
So you can see we had a bit of a full week.

Blueberry Blow up
What could happen on the way home? Really. Yes I was traveling with my partner, Diva Stropp to you. If you've read these missives you'll know that a simple journey is impossible.

Accident's this journey
Pouring a blueberry smoothie over his entire seating area, leg and socks.

My life is a tragicomedy!

2008-03-02T11:37:00.002Z

Flying free.

2008-03-02T11:37:00.001Z

Well here we are on the flight toAlmeria again - this time after my mothers birthday as well as, coincidentaly, Mothers Day. So far it's been variable. Hubby has a cold a bad back a blocked head and, probably more importantly, a tendency to martyrdom. At the moment he has a problem with being crushed between two huge sets of shoulders. Honestly he would really rather get every flight with a special seat for him at the front for access purpose and no-one sitting next to him. I would be seated a couple of places back so I could get what he desires!

Sometimes Love is not enough.

2008-03-02T11:35:00.000Z

It's very frustrating when you have to deal with someone who insists the longest way is best. Not for any scenic value but instead because the journey is made more tortuous and difficult giving scope for extra drama and annoyance. For some people (God alone knows why) this is an attractive prospect as it gives options to rhetorically go why oh why oh why is everything so difficult. They also tend not to enjoy a reminder that "but you wanted to do it this way" which springs to the lips. Instead you get blamed for pointing out a simpler solution as you watch your life slip away. So I have decided to, instead, try to do something else. It's fun actually as you feel the annoyance that you're not waiting around looking bored and you're not giving any scope for complaint. I am waiting for a "help me" at this moment. Or maybe a "pay attention, couldn't you be doing something." I've just had a distracting conversation about nothing thrown at me. I smile and agree and go back to the writing undeterred. It's like I'm free and am not being dragged into the veltshmelt of conversation.

I win?

Save the Whale (like)

2008-02-15T11:20:00.000Z

Torchwood again seems to have provided something more interesting than usual with the drama being less about the title subject (Meat) and the unethical harvesting of alien meat from an ever growing apparently sentient alien and more about Gwen's fiancé finding out about Torchwood. And a bout bloody time! Frankly it's been in the offing since the beginning and I'm glad it's out and honestly it makes it a lot more interesting all round.

The whale well. What can I say it's big; it's got huge eyes and died at the end.

Round and round like a skanky in a cage.

2008-02-07T11:31:00.000Z

Well last nights offering was a character set piece. I got the impression it was supposed to be about Toshiko but instead it seemed to be about a young man called Tom from 1918 who rather sadly had to travel back in time to close a shifting temporal fault line. Perhaps most sadly was the fact that Torchwood did not try and arrange for him to be saved from the firing squad as he had just saved the planet. Because of the extended dramatic imperative no one really had their 'moment'. Still I'm darned impressed.

Skank skank skank skank...
Primeval continues to show itself well, at least for ITV. It's got all the ingredients there. Sadly few are fresh and it's been reheated in a microwave. They're crowbaring in dramatic tension where they can but there doesn't seem to be much logic to it so far. We have double agents, divided loyalties and still we have the pop up skanky ho who appears to be sleeping her way into control of the planet.

I’ve heard worse philosophies but I think some clearer motives should be in the offing.

Ahhhh! Fluffy!

2008-01-27T21:22:00.000Z

Well Primeval is back with a tale of a park keeper in a theme park who found a little kitten that turned into a Sabretooth. She got mauled together with a couple of blokes.

Sadly that was it. No real engaging with the characters. Not much plot advancement.

The only interest to the story was the fact that the Ministry have hooked up one of the characters with a spy - of sorts.

And the fact that it appears that they've kept the Sabretooth for themselves.

And it was so fluffy. Bless CGI - it's very difficult to to proper fur. It looked like it had just had a bath and a blow dry.

Skanky Ho's and Prime Evil - Now Sponsored by Haven Family Holidays for Parents and Monsters!

2008-01-22T13:08:00.000Z

An elite group investigate strange beings coming through time rifts – above the law, well beyond or at least brighter than the Government these people fight, not very well, to keep our way of life boring and dependable. Together they fight a skanky time travelling tart who’s put it about with two of the group of four and found the best way to maintain her skanky appearance is by using a set of shears to cut her hair. She also avoids having a bra over her leathery skin in favour of letting them swing free. Like gibbons.

Yes Primeval is back. A number of friends quite like it and I have to say I watch it to support any sense of production values from ITV who’s current out put feels like the noise a heart monitor makes just before they unplug the body. I hope that Primeval is the sound of an unexpected pulse rather than being wild fibrillation while others cry ‘Clear’ ZZzzzzzt!

I don’t care what anyone says, it’s pretty naff stuff. The Characters are overbearing, self-absorbed and spend a lot of time, when being chased by nasties, hanging around chatting about their Feeeeeeeelings.

This time there is a twist in that time has altered from the previous season and the lead chap is in a parallel world where his love interest is a completely different person. His wife – skanky tart has returned and is keen on stirring the old pot and giant worms from the Pre-Cambrian have turned up to eat us.

Hmmm. Well I’ll keep watching – if only to see whether ITV’s drama output becomes a thing of the past.

Lookey Likey!

2008-01-22T13:07:00.001Z

We traveled to the other half's family today. Things were going quite well. His grandfather was positively chirpy which was great to see. His mother and brother were in fine form and his step-father had all his teeth out. Frankly this was probably a good thing as they'd been causing a problem for a while but given his face has gone the same shape as Cher's I now wonder if her work had meant removing all her gnashers. Assuming she had any by that stage!

I wouldn't be too surprised. I also accidentally caught the Graham Norton Containing Travesty of the Season that appears to have involved trawling a Norfolk Shopping Centre and putting the people obtained in bad wigs and making them perform, and I use the word loosely, songs of the people that they lookey likey. This was a surprise as the one resembling the lovechild of David Guest and Jeremy Beadle - and that would have been a congress to turn everyone celibate, blind, deaf and mute - sang Tom Jones songs. The one that looked like a bottle opener sang Diana Ross. There was even a lucky gonk - though he sang Rod Stewart. It's a scary show, particularly since their appearance and performance seemed to have no bearing and their assessed 'talent'. The winner gets to go to America and is presumably executed gangland style by the person that they were supposed to resemble.

Do you know, there are probably people who would do that just to get that close to a Celebrity.

I'd like to suggest an Idea for ITV1. It's called Talent Travesty Takeout. Members of the public who are completely obsessed by a Celebrity are permitted to stalk them for a day before having their brains blown out on live television.

And I claim my £1000000. Thank you!

I feel like Bonnie Tyler (cough)

2008-01-07T12:58:00.000Z

It's been an interesting week since I've been back in the UK. I have had a variety of congestive complaints and now feel like an elderly lady with nothing to talk about but her health. Yes I had that. Oh yes and terrible corns... It's not much fun. So here I am awaiting my next course of antibiotics in the Lloyds pharmacy with David Essex playing.

My life could get worse – much worse but right now I’d just appreciate the variety.

Back with Amoxicillin

2008-01-02T19:52:00.000Z

Amoxicillin - yes, it's very beneficial but frankly I'm sick of taking the bloody stuff. We came back from Spain on New Years Eve and I'd already been suffering from this blasted infection for 5 days! The Doctor peers in my ear and down my throat and tells me exactly what I already knew. Yes, you have an 'infection'.

And I hate antibiotics.

Anyway, the Spain trip went well. My stepfather is doing much better having had his spleen out. They've given him 2 short courses of Chemo which has left him like he's had the flu but he seems to be doing fine.

We're all so happy!

Christmas analogy.

2007-12-11T13:44:00.001Z

Hubby and I have just started watching our newly purchased 'Key to Time' boxed set at a story a night. So far we've seen 'The Ribos Operation' which I rather enjoyed and 'The Pirate Planet', a much more crowd pleasing story with some pretty shallow performances and overblown plot. Love it though; there are some great character pieces with the Captain and Xanxia.

It's always felt like a large Christmas meal.

Ribos Operation
The breadsticks and starter - you know there's a good meal coming and are laying down the foundations
Pirate Planet
The wine! Lots of flavor, some which works and some which just jars a bit. Some is a little tasteless and there’s lots of contrast.
Stones of Blood & Androids of Tara
The meat courses. The solid drama in the middle which impressed you and at the end you know it was worth it.
Power of Kroll
An unexpected fish course which smells a bit funny.
Armageddon Factor
A leftover mince pie and sherry stretched for the evening by an unapologetic host. There’s a nice mint at the end though.

Christmas Chin

2007-12-11T13:40:00.000Z

Here we are with Christmas fast approaching. Expanding waistlines abound! Good news has arrived as my stepfather has recovered enough to return home. It's been a pretty worrying time as he was the only family driver. My sister can now drive, thankfully and has helped out but I feel unexpectedly useless! Note to self: must learn to drive for independence purposes! We're due to visit for a week from 22nd which should be lovely and it looks like we'll be able to spend weeks at a time out there which is better than the previous long weekends.

I can't express how much I'm looking forward to it!

Hospital

2007-11-27T13:39:00.000Z

It's been an interesting weekend in Spain. My stepfather is in hospital due to an unexplained unidentified illness which has left him anemic and with a swollen spleen. They’re still checking to see what it is but there is a disease which could cause it. It's called leachonosis. It's a disease which goats have. Dogs can catch it from them via insect bites as can humans. It sounds like doggy malaria. It can be treated in humans but dogs can never be cured. It's awful but we are hoping it is this condition as it shouldn't leave any lasting damage. Frankly I don't want to consider the alternatives.

The strangest thing is, I haven't heard of it! It's quite common but most people don't know about it. It's like visiting France and finding that smallpox is endemic or that the dormouse is a lethal killer. You think it would have come up but hasn’t!

Anyway, Spain was good otherwise. My sister ended up driving and she did really well as she's still only getting into Driving again after a short lapse.

However we did take the piss a bit.
She managed to get the car stuck in the mud and we had to get towed out.
She mounted the kerb on a roundabout.
She nearly took us to Roqettas del mar rather than home after she went the wrong way up the motorway.
She made up a song about finding a policeman up her bum after finding exactly that on the motorway.

So that was nice!

A Miscelany

2007-11-14T16:48:00.000Z

Well, a bits been going on. We enjoyed the rest of the S-J Adventures. I visited my delightful sister out in the sticks and went mushroom picking with her. Had a great time with them - much relaxation and seeing a film called The Scanner Darkly and also the marvelous Life of Brian.

On my return to London I found my chest to still be very congested. It's been a bit grotty for a while, so I popped to my local surgery.

I have to take antibiotics as I have 'fluid' on the lungs - nice!

It at least explains why I've been feeling run down of late!

WOW!

2007-10-30T10:35:00.000Z

Last night we had the inestimable Rob over for paprika Pork and cheesecake and a viewing of the latest Sarah Jane Adventures.

Wow. I don’t think we were expecting anything out of the ordinary but, well, Wow.

It was clever, atmospheric, scary, sinister, painful, superbly acted and, frankly has the kind of production values any adult drama should aspire to. As far as the content we had parallel universes, sinister aliens, magic boxes, time travel.

And the interesting inclusion of the Graske.

I thought Jane Asher was superb! A sympathetic character who is also a little bit nasty to save her own skin.

And for Sarah Jane to live – it appears she must die.

How’s that for Children’s telly?

Good Gravy!

2007-10-29T14:08:00.000Z

It's been a bit of a week. We decided, this week, to have a quiet time for a change. Rather sadly this has not gone to plan.

On Wednesday the brother of ‘He who must be obeyed’ had a rather nasty car crash. He’s fine – which is a miracle – but his car is a write-off.

Thursday was a day spent manicaly sorting out some of the filing which hasn’t been doen for about 5 years. It’s rathe unsatisfying as nothing looks better unless you look inside the filing cabinet. However it took several hours and there’s more around the house to dispose of.

Saturday we did a flying trip to Letchworth to make sure everyone was OK, so lots of running around.

Sunday, a friend of us split up with his boyf. Rather nastly and worrisome and, though I’m happy to support, frankly very stressful and pressured.

And now I’m back at work again!

And this is eccentric

2007-10-26T13:34:00.000Z

And not a little weird!

What have we become?

2007-10-26T13:09:00.000Z

This is just horrible!

Strike!

2007-10-19T12:37:00.000Z

We may have a strike on our hands. UNISON are considering one after a pretty measly pay increase offer from those who have decided that they deserve proportionaly more than we mere mortals.

Despite being a union man I tend to find strikes irritating. It has to be said it’s blackmail. That said it’s not unethical. It has been an effective way of demonstrating that employees should not merely be entitled to existence but should receive appropriate recompense for their work and reasonable conditions to work under. The downside is that there are some who would hijack those aims for their own ends. Bob Crowe and his ilk being a case in point.

Unfortunately the Post Office requires reform as the nature of communication changes. The previous terms and conditions most of us can only dream of and many of us would not want as we can see they’re plainly excessive. However some areas are clearly over managed and have introduced ways in which the new managers are paid disproportional more than the people who actually do the work.

We, for example, are having a number of changes imposed upon us by people who believe they should be exempt from such impositions themselves.

MP’s are to get 4 additional days leave next year.
They have protected pensions which allow them to retire earlier than public sector workers with a much better pay level.
They take higher than inflation pay rises.

They are also employed by us. And yet we don’t get to limit their pay increases.

If they really felt so strongly about these issues they would ensure that they set an example rather than ‘we deserve this but you probably don’t so you won’t get it’.

Hence, huge frustration from people and strikes. Unless it’s Bob Crowe and then a sunny day is all the reason you need.

How cynical am I?

101

2007-10-18T21:29:00.000Z

Well this is my 101st post so in the spirit of Room 101 (the TV Programme concept rather than '1984'). I would get some trivial things I'd like to put in Room 101.

Hmmm...

First off

Dame Shirley Porter - would you believe I typed Shitley when I touch typed her name. A millionairess who effectively stole council houses to swing a political party's vote and who appears to have pretty much got away with it.

Secondly

Wasps - what can I say.

And Finaly

Dishonest Politicians. I know that means all of them but what the hell. Let's see how it goes without them.

Facebook

2007-10-09T09:59:00.000Z

I have finally been goaded into going on Facebook. It's quite interesting and I've caught u with a few people I've lost contact with. However it all seems a little trivial and boy is there some crap on there. I've been Vamped, Werewolfed and Zombied; Hugged, poked and had sheep thrown at me. It all seems a little surreal and I'm not sure where I'm going with it. The communication system seems a bit clunky. I can see it's a good thing generally but in some ways can leave you strangely isolated when you run into friends who've lost contact with you, or cut you off unexpectedly.

And I'm not sure I like the feeling.

Don't hold grudges and forgive the past if the will is there. That's a rule to live by.

More positively I can say that so far no problem!

I thought I'd give you some interesting facts...

2007-10-09T09:56:00.000Z

In descending order of weights...
Plutonium
Gold
Lead
Oxygen
Lithium
And then into the atomic scale
Neutron
Proton
Electron
Neutrino
ITV NewsMistress
Light (Massless Wave Particle)
ITV WeatherGirl

The (No)One show

2007-10-09T09:14:00.000Z

Yes - the very random pilot UK wide current affairs fluff and gristle fest that was The One Show has returned as - shockingly - The One Show. The basis of the show, as I have previously mentioned, is Nationwide a programme that ran through the 70's and early 80's and presented local events of whimsy to the nation. Who can forget Frank "Coke and a tart" Bough or Sue "...fart" Lawley. They were cuddly and lovely then - back in the dark time before celebrities had ophthalmoscopes shoved up their arse to see it all flushed out. It was nice sweaters and nasty but subtle jewelry.

Now we have the excrable Adrian Chiles mubling and being insulting to many guests. (yesterday in an assessment of male and female characteristics he described women as “poor women” which is a little insulting to say the least.) With him is his latest babe. The babe often is a much better presenter than Chiles but is “supporting him” which I cannot understad for the life of me.

And then there are the topics. For a number of weeks we have had programmes on clouds. It involves pretty much just looking at the sky. Nice, but if you want to do it, go outside! Don’t watch it on TV!

We may have already passed the point where Frank would have said – come on this is really cheap TV for the test signal viewers out there!

I can’t decide, whether you should live or die….

2007-07-02T13:55:00.001Z

Utopia – Up!
The Sound of Drums – Up!
Last of the Time Lords – Crash and burn…

I have already read a number of reviews glowing in praise for the show called Doctor Who. As a lifelong fan I almost feel guilty for feeling the way I do. Indeed some fans have already told me I’m wrong! It’s particularly for Last of the Time Lords. There have been some great stories this season. I enjoyed Evolution of the Daleks, despite some shortcomings that have been commented far and wide by reviewers. Utopia – a joy just for seeing Derek Jacobi being wonderful and Masterley! Then The Sound of Drums – a great preamble for the finale, the Doctor completely at the mercy of the Master! At the end where the Toclafane descend to ‘decimate’ you know that the timeline has been altered – you know the TARDIS, as a paradox machine, is allowing the alterations to be made. You know there will be a ‘none of it ever happened’ speech at the end. As Doctor Who deals with time travel those endings are allowed – not like ‘he woke up and it was all a dream’ as the events did occur.

Sadly it then lost its way. What should have been an action packed fast paced episode just… wasn’t!

One year later…

Which is fine. Great to see some time spent setting things up and we start to get a perspective on what the Master has done. Some nice ‘apocalyptic Earth’ settings with people hiding. The Professor who was introduced immediately reminded me of Mrs Moore from Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel and sadly was used about as well. The chap playing the paediatrician did OK – nothing standing out too much, which is worrying as people are hinting he might be the next companion. Honestly Russell, you can employ someone you haven’t worked with before! Nice build up with the gun – though it does make no sense that the 4 chemicals were stored separately around the world. Again – the betrayal worked well… all good so far..

Meanwhile the Doctor gets to be old. Martha’s family working as servants around him. Jack, still immortal chained up. And what have they done in the space of a year. Attempted a revolt – presumably only the one which fails badly and for quite obvious reasons. And then the Doctor is reduced Golem in a cage. He even seems more active than when he was aged 100 years. And he keeps saying “think about what you are doing.” Not the best way to solve the problem.

Martha is captured and we find out the gun was a blind – good! It made no sense and was never going to be too easy to use. And now the Doctor’s brilliant plan comes to the fore. If enough people believe in the Doctor, the magic psychic energy will rejuvenate him and give him floaty power…. What?

It’s not been hinted at, at all! I mean no odd psychic occurrences when, say, Japan was fried? That should have kicked up something surely.

Time winds back – the paradox reverted.

The Toclafane – humans from Utopia who made themselves into mad spherical Cybermen are trapped at the end of the universe.

What?

The end of the universe and it was all pointless? No way out? Just madness and the end? What a downer from all that hope in Utopia!

The Master is left weeping on the floor in the Doctors arms. The Doctor says “I forgive you.”

What?

Being the last of the Time Lords must be not too much fun but… What!

This is a man – rightly pointed out by Martha’s mum who killed billions of people.

I mean billions! And that was just this time. Let’s see if we can work our way back.

He killed hundreds if not thousands in the 3rd Doctor’s era.

No end of Time Lords in the Deadly Assassin

Several people on Traken in the Keeper of Traken

Oh yes – a good portion of the Universe in Logopolis.

And that was all some time ago….

I’m sorry, if I was Martha’s mum I would have shot him and then said – I’ve only killed one person, going to forgive me now?

The Doctor seems to have become this creature of the most diabolical double standards. How can he imprison the Family of Blood in such terrible circumstances and then say come and live with me in the TARDIS.

How can he complain about anyone wanting to extend their lifespan when the only reason the Master exists is that he was resurrected to fight the Time War. But that’s OK. He used those skills and powers to abuse people. And that’s fine too! He has killed people wilfully for entertainment. That’s OK as well?

Now what would have happened if he’d killed Rose?

It makes no sense. None at all.

I’m sorry; the Master is the Universes most prolific mass murderer. No second chances? Unless he’s a Time Lord? I’m just frustrated with this sloppiness with the writing and character. I also don’t like ‘magical’ endings with esoteric powers used – particularly with no preamble. We’ve had three. One for each climax of the season. It just galls me no end.

The future lies this way....

2007-06-14T20:37:00.000Z

Well, a bit of a gap and now I'm back...

Just been enjoying Doctor Who - Blink. Excellent! Just what a Doctor Who story should be - but without the Doctor, pretty much. Indeed clever reuse of the DVD meant even less than it appeared. Good characters and a good pace. The only quibble is the friend disappearing felt a tiny bit 'Oh, well.' She, had lost her friend rather permanently. Otherwise I can't really fault it.

Joy!

Cold and wet

2007-01-22T21:56:00.000Z

Another day, another cold. Yes I've been bitten again! It's another bloody cold and just in the middle of the School Census at work. And know I know my coordination and focus is all up the spout. Off to bed for hibernation again. And you wouldn't believe hos many tiumwes ive retypex this bloody medsdage! That last was typed without correction at all.

Fishy Weather

2007-01-18T18:53:00.000Z

.. and let all those who dwel in the house of "Met Department" chant the words "Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way... well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't!" until the storm abates.

Yes another blast from the Atlantic, this time with winds recorded up to 99mph. Of course from most of western and northern Scotland's point of view a gentle breeze but for us in England a Typhoon of unimaginable proportions followed by Armageddon with wind and waves and tiles down. Of course it has been pretty bad but we saw it coming and still had problems. Trees on the line are due to trees being allowed to grow to big and too close to the line. Leaves are caused by the same thing so a bit of management along the lines wouldn't go amiss. Roofs down caused by poor design. Scaffolding wobbling as plastic sheeting covering it caught the wind. Generally the wind wasn't too bad and many problems were of our own making.

The press love it though. It's almost knocked the Big Brother racism allegations off the front pages - I wonder what is going on at the moment that is not being reported, I really do. What bad news is being buried at the moment?

Buffywood

2007-01-18T18:49:00.000Z

I felt very confused at the last couple of episodes of Torchwood. Sorry I may rant! Capt Jack Harkness Cute wasn’t he? A nice simple episode that would have been much better slightly earlier in the season with greater and greater disturbances in the rift. Oddly though no mention of the events in the execrable Fight Club episode ‘Combat’ and his bestial intimidation of the Weevils by Owen who suddenly decided that opening the rift was the way to get his girlfriend back.. We had no real explanation of the equation which could get them back and no real explanation of why they were there. Bilas had no real back story which was a real shame given his pivotal nature. Lovely chap playing Jack and the dance was very sweet if, sadly, bollocks. Still don’t know quite what happened at the end with smoky time tunnel. End of Days - Potentially a good start with people dropping out of time and diseases showing up. Sadly it went downhill from there…All of them received visitations from people they knew telling them to open the rift apart from Gwen, who had her boyfriend killed by the man who suggested that she open the rift. Jack didn’t get a visit. I have no idea why any of them listened to any of the visitations without working out that someone with no good in mind wanted the rift open. Also why any of them thought opening the rift would put things right is logic that is questionable at best. (The fact that it did is even more questionable). The beast rose and sadly was not terribly well executed. The best bit of it was the life sucking shadow. I just wish they’d done what Doctor Who always used to do (and occasionally still does) which is create a cheap monster by being inventive. You hear me Mr Davies? INVENTIVE! That doesn’t mean creating space ships over London/Cardiff, huge Dalek/Cybermen battles etc. It sometimes means having an invasion that’s a bit more subtle. Or open to different interpretation. One thing I liked about the original Doctor Who was that invasions went unnoticed. People were paralysed, away from the events etc which always more plausible. I was entertained by the Runaway Bride but it clearly showed where the major plot problems were going to be with Donna having a hangover and missing the Sycorax and then being in Spain so missing the Daleks and Cybermen. And now we have The Sarah Jane Adventures where they ‘don’t believe in aliens’ which, if they’d had Cybermen in the house they should have been easily convinced.Anyway, the story so far, half of Cardiff is trampled or had the life sucked out of it. I wonder if that’ll come up at some time. Jack has the life bestowed by Bad Wolf sucked out of him conveniently (which does imply that Rose planned the whole thing) and we don’t know whether he’s human again or not. Everyone is forgiven for their part in destroying most of Cardiff and trying to kill Jack. Then he gets whisked away by the Doctor which is a bit weak It’s a bit weird that Gwen ‘knows’ he’s been taken rather than checking the rest of the base and the whole thing seemed a bit tacked on. Honestly I just wished they’d picked up Jack in Doctor Who rather than have him leave in Torchwood.

Deep blue ocean, deep blue ocean, deep blue ocean! There, that's better. Sorry for the rant but I've been getting quite annoyed with Torchwood's chopping and changing of story priorities. I thought that the idea of someone in control was to keep control rather than run in several directions at one. Worrying when Sarah Jane seems much more interesting and has people reacting in a vaguely normal manner to each other. I mean, there was none of the characters either snogging each other without lead up or getting hugely angsty! Good for you Liz!

Bloody, bloody, bloody!

2006-11-28T18:37:00.000Z

Well, just caught a glimpse of 'Jam and Jerusalem' which I'm finding oddly familiar. Anyone who knows us will have heard us mention (though many still have not read ‘Vitriol and Old Lace’ which is about two women’s groups as a sort of antithesis of the Women’s Institute. Of course it has fairly extreme characters and ladies with no inhibitions or foundation garments. There are fascists, socialists, repressed inverts, transvestites, part time occultists, full time occultists and many bewildered. While 'Jam and Jerusalem' appears much milder and has less in the way of malicious evilness – so far, it definitely has a flavour of our work, particularly in the wonderful Joanna Lumley who I now want in ours. It does, however look like plagiarism on our part (fortunately we submitted ours first so are covered in that respect!) and makes ours more difficult to put about. I still think it’s very good. I’m just frustrated that it makes our job more difficult.

Hmmm, maybe Channel 5. They don’t seem to be spending their money on anything!

Torchwood

2006-11-14T15:53:00.000Z

Another for the acid bath.

2006-11-13T22:06:00.000Z

More I'm a celebrity....

Scott Henshaw. Dull, really dull. Said he wouldn't want to be on the show without any cute people as he wouldn't have anything to talk to.

A personality like that only requires a mirror for company.

And maybe a poisonous spider for entertainment.

Ours at least.

Reality Bites - with a mouth that is all gums!

2006-11-13T21:32:00.000Z

Eeeeeeep! As part of ITVs 'Reality Schedule' It is now the turn to torture celebrities again. My other half, the Boy Wonder has, of course tuned into it 'just the once to see what it's like'. I of course can see the pattern. Well, at least I get a number of weeks of peace and quiet to focus. So I am sitting sideways on as I write this to pick up my main feelings. So far..

David Gest - He's just weird. He plainly lacks any real social skills - life with Liza must have been thrilling - He can't communicate meaningfully and she isn't in the same world to communicate at all. I can see it now
David - I think I deserve some money
Liza - My mother was Judy Garland.
David - I am beautiful.
Liza - I am Caberet.
David - I need your face for my shoes.
Liza - I have soiled myself.
David - I just don't feel that your money is going anywhere.
Liza - Money! I'll cut you! I'll cut you first!
David - I love you Liza.
Liza - You're GAY! I want a divorce!
It's a different world
Lauren Booth - seems surprisingly normal. (Though surely comes under the 'I'm related to a celebrity, get me some work' heading.)
Matt Willis - At the third stroke.....
Jason Donovan - Desperate Ozzie dad-a-like.
Myleen Klass - ...The Time, sponsored by Accurist is....
Faith Brown - Always a wild character with the most untamed bosom. No Cyberwoman her, unless they use a couple of Steel Drums.
Phina Oruche - Oddly likeable. She reminds me of a friend of ours, the lovely Molly.
Toby Anstis - A young crush, much sturdier than he used to be but oddly camper.
Jan Leeming - A woman who was a pink wearing, pastel studioed, calming presenter from the 80's. Perfect for the 3 minute warning as by the time you roused yourself from your stupor the blast would have been, gone and cockroaches would have evolved into the dominant species. However she's decided that she will grow old disgracefully. I would suggest she may have left it too late.

Oh well, I suppose I can write more!
Scott Henshall - .... Beep...Beep...Beep.

Winter Blues

2006-10-31T10:43:00.000Z

Well I’m now on the lightbox regularly and I am feeling more perky than I had. Hopefully the feeling will last. Even got into work early today – building up that flexitime. I’ve had our holiday dates confirmed (off to Spain for New Year and Thailand March next year! Woohoo!) . I’m managing to drink my required 2 litres of water a day – and I have a bladder like a hippo. Feeling a lot more sparkly today. I think I’m going to get on and do some writing this evening.

So how’s things with you out there in the real world?

Darkest before the Dawn

2006-10-30T16:50:00.000Z

Well I’ve been feeling a little self indulgent of late. I do appear to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder somewhat but I have rarely been so passive to its effects. I have been feeling noticably down and unmotivated. And now I need to get a grip! I usually enjoy some aspects of the winter. Warm nights in, brisk walks out, mulled wine, casseroles etc. However I haven’t been mustering the enthusiasm to get out of the house and because of that my mood is going pear shaped. I’m glad I’ve noticed it (and others pointing it out). I’ve been using Diva’s lightbox and am intending to walk and enjoy it no matter what!

And we can always go for a drink in a pub. Tomorrow night is the Crossbones walk http://www.London-SE1.co.uk/whatson/event/1108. If the inestimable Chlamydia is still ill I might have a pagan walk!

Soggy, soggy, two by four...

2006-10-11T12:07:00.000Z

Far too soggy to come in the door. Ewwww. We just had one of those rather unprecedented cloudbursts which we seem to be suffering rather more regularly than I remember. And I got completely soaked travelling 2 mins walk with an umbrella! Gloooooobal Waaaarrrmming!

So Lonely

2006-10-10T13:13:00.000Z

The Hubby is currently doing a theatrical production at the Young Vic theatre. Sadly this leaves me alone most evenings at the moment. So I'm lonely. I need to get out and muster some enthusiasm. Either that or polish everything until it gleams!

Bang Bang II

2006-09-14T12:21:00.000Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/5344652.stm

What can I say - horrrific. Oddly though in the US this would have been a tragedy but not unexpected. It does reflect badly on the US gun culture that when I saw the item on the news with the sound turned down I assumed it had taken place there and I was only shocked when I realised that it was Canada!

Bang Bang!

2006-09-14T07:44:00.000Z

After a gentle anniversary at home we were shaken from our bed at midnight by huge explosions! Not some terrorist group destroying the Elephant & Castle Shopping Centre (chance would!) but being struck by a massive thunderstorm. What had been gentle rain suddenly turned into horizontal slush and hail. It was so heavy you couldn't see past the next block of flats. The only time I've seen rain so heavy was in a major tropical storm in Fiji! A bit of a shock.

I am old….

2006-09-06T21:32:00.000Z

A work trip to Birmingham I will not dwell on the day itself, apart from the firemen who turned up to rescue us. Unexpected but rather nice! The train journey found me sitting next to a couple of respectable gentlemen. One was Japanese and the other reminded me of Brian Sewell together with his upper middle class trill (No – not birdseed). We spent the journey discussing multiculturalism and modern architecture and he was quite confused that I didn't work for either area. Particularly for someone my age! Apparently you have to be in your 60’s before you can have any informed knowledge! We also went into brutalism, transport, politics, privatisation and London (with an emphasis on Southwark). I was quite impressed with the range of the conversation in an hour and a half! It was a bit of a shame when I had to get off the train.

Androzani Minor

2006-09-05T12:41:00.000Z

I caught sight of this some days ago

GUARDIAN WEBSITE - BEST ARTICLE FOUND
BBC NEWS TAKE ON THE SITUATION

and I have to say I was quite stunned I hadn’t heard of it sooner. I’ve tried reserching the topic but all I can find are reports of what’s happening, rather than why it’s happening. Many reports describe the stuff as toxic but not in any particular way and it does seem to be spreading quickly. I just wish there was more information. There are suggestions that they pipe it into the nearby sea but there are significant environmental problems with that.

I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.

Holiday at Home.

2006-08-28T19:09:00.000Z

It’s been an interesting couple of days. The chalet park is regimented in a style most people would describe as barracks, though the accommodation is comfortable chintz. The food is fried and the people are fat. The sea is cold and the rain is wet but the sun is warm and pleasant. If only the families didn’t regard a fast food place doing burgers, pizza and ubiquitous carvery as a normal thing. Still it’s been a break and it’s been very interesting seeing where my partner used to holiday.

Hemsby is a little bit different than I'm used to. When we weren't on holidays as a child we also stayed in a caravan park but it was even more isolated with one shop and a pub. Here it's a lot of flat pack arcades and Phoenix Nights style club/pubs with a rotating band and entertainment list. I was horrified by the amount of excess weight being lugged around by people. I felt like a supermodel in the crowd of chip and carvery grazers. You did feel you didn't want to get in their way in case you were eaten. Nonetheless Norfolk is a pretty place and the Broads are very tranquil so we did get to relax. The journey home was pleasant and First class which I have no objections to.

I have to say, interesting time though it was, there is no place like home!

Time flies by...

2006-08-26T20:49:00.000Z

Well we're now on the rattling local service to great Yarmouth. I've always been very fortunate that wherever I've lived, the train service was always popular enough to warrant 'heavy duty trains'. I've been on a few 'local' services before. Once in Birmingham (they’re built like rural bus services balanced on train wheels and now this one which is a diesel train version of a National Express Coach. Including the upsetting misfits and grinding engine. I think the 90's have just arrived for the Yooof of Norfolk. Shell suits are in abundance. The train is the shade of green/gray you normally find in marshes and bogs and I hope the only reason it is that they thought that it wouldn't show the gravy rather than it having crashed in the marshes 20 years ago and has only recently been dragged out. It would explain the smell.

I know I sound like I don't like Norfolk. I have been to the Broads and had a great, relaxing time (on the whole). I'm just concerned about staying in a chalet park with the in laws. I know I've stayed in huts on isolated Thai beaches; however this is not the same as I am not relying on myself. I normally don't like relying on others and when you're turning up in the dark to a place you don' know it can be a bit of a nightmare - particularly if you're as much of a control freak as me. We're now whizzing through marsh at a pace I would consider inadvisable while the carriage shakes from side to side. Hopefully it should all be fine!

Off to the bogs!

2006-08-26T12:45:00.000Z

Here I am, taking my general inclinations in my hand and surrounded by a bunch of besuited yokels. I use derogatory language because they've started talking about the Gays and are not being too pleasant (while also being enourmously naive and lacking any external perception). They appear to all work in the same office patently and have probably employed sons, nephews, cousins and some of those more 'complicated' relationships some families have when isolated from other people by living in a marsh. There might even be some women there but only if they've had a shave and a short haircut. The language sounds like the Vicar of Dibley with even the word why transformed into Whhhhuuuuuiiiiiiyy? I have a feeling I may not have time for a conversation here. Once Good Morning is exchanged it'd probably be afternoon. We're due to arrive at Norwich (it's the quiz of the week!) so I'll pick up once we've got on our next train.

More Tea Vicar

2006-08-25T09:11:00.000Z

It's got flavinoids!

"BBC More Tea?"

The Impossible Planets

2006-08-25T09:10:00.000Z

And, as if by magic suddenly one of the planets dissapeared and the remaining 8 found themselves surrounded by dwarves!

"BBC - The Planets"

Oh, I wish, I wish, I could stick in html links easily!

Final Frontierish

2006-08-16T08:29:00.000Z

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a new planet. Well, we have three new planets.

They are

Charon (moon/twin of Pluto)
UB313 (Currently known as Zena)
Ceres (Largest object in the asteroid belt)

Hopefully they’ll rename Zena or rename it something less Sci-Fi Fanny. How about Cassius? That was named as the 10th planet in ‘Doctor Who’ back in 1977.

Honestly, it’s only because no one want’s to demote Pluto to big asteroid!

I can imagine that we’re going to end up with hundreds of the buggers now!

The Worst Show

2006-08-14T20:06:00.000Z

I tuned into ‘The One Show’ this afternoon as Freema Agyeman was on it (She being the new companion on ‘Doctor Who’. It’s also a new programme and I thought that it might be interesting.

I don’t believe I was right.

Because the programme I watched wasn’t ‘The One Show’.

It was ‘Nationwide’

For those of you who don’t know (or are too young) there is something about Nationwide here
http://www.tvradiobits.co.uk/bitsandpieces/nationwide2.htm and here http://offthetelly.co.uk/factual/nationwide.htm

Of course there is no problem with reintroducing a programme which has been off the screen for a while (as a Doctor Who fan I stand by that). On the other hand, it’s 2006. Nationwide has been off the air for 23 years and relied on outside broadcasts and ‘interesting’ topics from the public countrywide (as local news stations were mainly provided by ITV or radio). So you live in Kidderminster and someone in Aberdeen is having a street party about a poet who lived in his street 50 years ago and you sit there wondering what that smell of smoke is. You turn over to ITV and get told that toxic fumes are sweeping your area and you need to close your windows urgently. I think local news is sometimes a bit more interesting than distant regional whimsy. We also have been doing satellite link ups and outside broadcast for years. How could they get it so wrong and do it so badly. The presenters Adrian Chiles and Nadia Sawalha did their best but have little chemistry. I’ve always liked Nadia Sawalha but she stuttered and paused and at the end ssspppoookkkeee veeeerry sllllloooowwwllly aaaattt theeeee ennnd as the programme had under run by about 20 seconds. The linkups where stilted and poor and had delay on the communication where people talked over one another. It’s a shame.

Bloody, bloody, bloody!

2006-08-11T20:06:00.000Z

Not only do I have to deal with the railways and their disastrous service, I also have to deal with a man who is sounding like an outraged dowager aunt with a foul mouth. Astonishingly, when something goes wrong, and better still, when a number of things go wrong, my interest in a dramatic recitation of what has gone wrong coupled with a complete list of my perceived faults and omissions that caused the delay, is limited (Presumably I psychically caused someone to throw themselves under a train at Clapham Junction). Frankly I'm rather teetering on the edge here! Hopefully I won't become homicidal, or worse still honest and cutting, which would ultimately cause my loving husband to be buried in a shallow grave on a railway embankment. Currently he's making a noise like a steam train every few minutes and even that is weathering my tolerant exterior after the aforementioned criticisms. Apparently the fact that I got the journey timetable followed by the late arrival of a train started the whole thing off. Indeed the train being late is less of an issue that my timetable being wrong. I tried to point out that the train was late and my timetable was correct but to no avail. Patently I am just ranting but I'm finding it very cathartic. And God I need cathartic now!

De ‘Press’ ed rather than Im ‘Press’ed

2006-08-11T15:05:00.000Z

A lovely front page headline in the Daily (Hate) Mail which the inestimable Rob sent to me went “Married Couples Live Longer” causing needless grief for the dear boy. Plainly as it’s the (Hate) this should be filtered out to “Respectable, Middle Class, Heterosexual, Anglo-Saxon, Conservative with a percieved small c but actually have a C the size of the Pacific, English, Baptised, Anglican, Sexist, Racist, Homophobic, Bigoted, Married in church without too much fuss, Couples (who could have been divorced or widowed before, we’re quite modern), Live Longer (Than other people who you’ve met by accident or seen on television, probably Eastenders or maybe those funny foreign ones in the Lebanon).

You could so clearly see that the paper had come out before all the airports had been put on high alert. They’ve had no news for days and then PASSENGER MISSILES OF DEATH! NON ANGLO-SAXON KILLERS! BRING BACK HANGING… NO NO BOILING IN OIL! And the news breaks an hour after the print run. Now they just look like they’re trying to catch up. HAND LUGGAGE STILL BANNED APART FROM ESSENTIAL DOCUMENTS, WALLETS AND PURSES, NAPPIES AND MILK IF YOU TEST IT FIRST BUT HAVE TO BE IN A CLEAR PLASTIC BAG SO PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE A LAUGH AT YOUR PASSPORT PHOTO WHICH WOULD BE AN INDIGNITY does not have the same ring as SKIES OF BLOOD.

Nonetheless, what a crowd of vultures!

Just the light hatbox madam?

2006-08-10T07:51:00.000Z

TERRORIST ALERT! TERRORIST ALERT! TERRORIST ALERT!

Well, it all seems to have kicked off today. Apparently there’s been a plot to take bombs on planes in hand luggage. Again I find it very hard to understand why blowing up planes seems to be the way forward with dealing with people. Again I’m rather hoping that the people they caught weren’t just in possession of swarthy skin and dangerous facial hair.

All hand luggage has to be stowed if you want to fly, causing not a little inconvenience to many travellers. Now I just want the people accused to explain why they wanted to blow up the planes in a clear manner, just to I can get my head round it all. It does seem very galling that whenever something like this happens and the person admits it all we get in the press is a 5 word sound bite about doing it for a religious figure. It often sounds like someone went up to them in the street and said “God asked me to ask you to kill a few hundred people – for his greater glory you understand?” And they said “Well, if it’s for his greater glory, yes, of course.” It never feels like anyone thought about it enough to be able to clearly justify it. I would love to hear the justification with someone who could talk about it to me! Then I could argue and we would be able to understand each others position. Until that day I’m stuck with the concept that the ideals involved – not in general religion but in the specific cases of these people wanting to kill others – are too unformed to be able to justify. Maybe I should have put up

IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT!

Is life so bad? We still have owls, penguins, bats and polar bears? Our planet, despite being a bit frayed around the edges is still a largely beautiful place.

Bran Muffins

2006-08-09T15:00:00.000Z

It has come to my attention that foodwise I am somewhat addicted to crap. I enjoy sugar and fat and carbohydrate and protein and everything in-between. This is an issue. As a Goddess I should be a figure of abundance. As anyone who’s been to Gay Gables and been fed will attest, you don’t generally go away hungry. More recently I have been directing my energies towards a more Wholemeal approach. Brown Rice, Brown Pasta, Wholemeal Bread etc. The quality of my food has improved as well with no sawdust laden sausages, cheapest eggs laden with antibiotics and the like. However I still eat too much sugar and fat. Chocolate is a downfall, so are fried foods. I do find myself occasionally craving them – which is just the point, they’re designed to be craved. Whilst evolving our palates became focussed on the things we couldn’t get. Oils and natural sugars particularly. Without nuts and seeds we would have become malnourished over the winter months as most meat was very lean and there was little vegetation. Of course we now do not have any of those periods of want. Instead sugar cane was discovered and then processed to create ‘cheap’ food to satisfy poor families hunger. Then fast food came along with the other area. Flavoured protein/fat combinations, burgers, pizzas, chips etc. All perfectly attuned to a simian brain designed to seek these things out because they’re rare.

When I was younger, and I had less weight around me, I wouldn’t have a problem with these foods. I couldn’t afford to eat out and had to eke out a pack of bourbons for a week so I didn’t run out. Now I have greater income and no restrictions save those that I give myself and all that happens when shopping is my little monkey brain jumping up and down on its branch going “Oook! Oook!” as I pass the chocolate truffles. And there’s no use trying to explain that it’s not fruit as monkeybrain says sweet must be fruit. It’s very frustrating. However, the time has come I think to lock up monkeyboy and go for the alternatives. Nice fresh salads. Stir Frys. Something else soul destroying I can’t think of yet.

Rubbish. I can do this. Think of what this kind of food is doing to America at the moment. Seeing distended children bobbling around like water balloons. Who knows, with the way it’s going with the obesity demographics, by the time I’m 40 I maybe the equivalent of an Adonis!

Every picture needs and understated frame.

I don’t care what the adverts say. Malibu does not go with Piccalilli!

2006-08-07T09:14:00.000Z

Well here I am after a weekend of Brighton Pride and some debauchery (which sadly included a whole tub of Häagen-Dazs) and I feel like I need a diet (not to say some healing). I feel like I’ve swallowed a sideboard. My diet seems to have gone up the wall a bit. This weekend I tried to be good. Had a Sausage, Egg and Mushroom wrap as I knew we were going to have a busy day. I then followed it up with a spicy bean burger with lots of salad, which was yummy and quite virtuous. And then chips, and more chips. We all then went home and vegetated. Sunday started well as my hubby made kedgeree, which is always good for a ‘morning after’. However after my third bowl I realised that I was probably going down a slippery slope! Not long after this I had a Toffee Crisp minibar and then the aforementioned Häagen-Dazs which, given its calories seems to go down surprisingly easily! At that point I realised movement was futile so I stopped. To follow this up we had an immensely humid night (up to 70% according to my Barometer) and a subsequent sleep full of being boiled, drowning and being smothered. I am not the best rested bunny today!

Tonight we have a lemon fresh visit from the lovely Rob. Hopefully I will not be unconscious!

Cats in a bag!

2006-08-04T11:59:00.000Z

Normally we don’t have any problems at all; indeed we all look out for each other. However, this morning at 5.30am we were awakened by screeches. No, no-one had been injured, hurt or anything else. It was to girls having a set to outside our front door like two cats in a bag. From what we could gather one claimed that the other had nicked the other’s purse or some such issue. Nonetheless, how you would notice this at 5.30am is beyond me and why they felt the need to leave the house and stand outside to set-to I have no idea. They shut up after a few minutes but left us with rather fractured sleep. I think words may need to be had. Either that or they may need to be spayed.

Sleep! I need sleep!

Money, money, money...

2006-08-02T13:11:00.000Z

I have sometimes felt that many people don’t understand the… well… not the importance of money, but the relevance of money. Him indoors has often suggested that I ‘not cook’ and ‘we’ll order in’ (I hasten to add this is not some commentary on my cooking, more about time spent relaxing). Today I was able to show him the cost of this lunching out lifestyle when I pointed out that bringing in food to work this week has saved us about £40. And that doing this for a working year saves about £1700. Which is a rather luxurious 2 weeks in Thailand.

He’s now rather keen on the Idea.

Next thing… the smoking!

Dinner with Mollify

2006-08-01T12:11:00.000Z

We had the lovely Mollify (Molly) round for dinner yesterday. She revealed that she likes Doctor Who but hadn’t had a chance to see any of the new stuff. Big mistake! Needless to say the erroneously named complete first series leapt from the box and onto the screen and much enjoyment was had until the Doctor was being strangled by a disembodied Auton arm. Unfortunately, at that precise moment our DVD player suddenly decided that a still of Chris was all we needed from that point on. We were forced to decamp to the Xbox thingy and continue there. However, if anyone knows of a good, inexpensive surround sound DVD player please do let me know. Nonetheless we finished off Rose and continued to The End of the World which produced similar entrancement.

It is a great joy to show someone who is receptive the series. It’s like watching it all over again with a fresh perspective. The Madam, Ms Sharon slapping The Lady’s leg when the real bad guys turned up in Doomsday was wonderful. It's always a pleasure. The only downside to showing the DVD is the 40 minute run in time while it goes through it's 45 long winded logos. The fact you can't skip the whole title sequence TARDIS console bit as well. I just want to watch. If I want to see the companies involved I'll look at the end credits. Still a good night though.

And then it turned out Molly liked Spaced as well!

Blorp!

2006-07-31T10:31:00.000Z

Well, another birthday passed in what is turning into the time of life where I feel old and regress to childhood.

The childhood bit was the Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Sundae (on Saturday) where much ice cream was eaten and much buzzy brain effects were appearing. There were children there riding the sucrose switchback, alternating between manic behaviour and diabetic shock. It was a great time though with lots of bands and sugar and sugar and sugar. That evening my husband exploded into high kick numbers and the rumba together with some manic poi dancing.

The old bit was the fact that Top of the Pops has finished. To be fair it was getting pretty ropey with teenage presenters showing off, as Time Out put it 'Ringtones you may know'. One particularly astute young man (who still boasts of his snog of Beyonce) upon seeing the Pink video 'Stupid Girls' (which I love as it lampoons the tits and arse shaking ladies, footballer wives and otherwise genetically human trophies that appear to represent women in the media these days,) described her as 'a bit butch' plainly missing the point and horrifying his female co-presenter. Anyway, Sir Jimmy Saville OPB (Old Peculiar Bugger) and a collection of people who nowadays would be far too old to appear on television aimed at young people (You don't want to tell them that they're mortal or will grow up or they'll stop buying the ringtones) presented a flashback episode with lots of jibes about fashion and haircuts etc. It was OK but a bit sad that something so ingrained on your brain after 34 years is just whimpering off into the corner to die. Of course I did think Doctor Who had done the same but fortunately not.

The Birthday bit was having friends around me, which is always a joy. The Lady had us over for Dodgy Pizza Hut Pizza and anaemic turd ice cream. It was much appreciated with the weather being so hot. And there was much making of merry. Then on Sunday we went out to The Little Apple in Kennington where Dave treated us to a lovely Sunday lunch which I am still suffering.

And of course my Husband who made it special, despite the injuries and burns he sustained over the weekend.

Feeling Hot, hot, hot

2006-07-25T11:51:00.000Z

Oh dear God. The temperature is, again, rocketing in London and Nitrogen Dioxide is at dangerous levels. It’s London in the summer. We’re perpetually cursed with the location of the city (being surrounded on all sides by hills and sea) effectively trapping all the heat and nasties in with us. And what with the expected temperature increase over the next few years we’ll be up to our armpits in the mire. Of course, it’s at this time of year that people get less pleasant. I have to say I do have to bite back the urge to cudgel people to death on the street as they stop dead in the middle of their street, their children in tow and their Special Brew in hand as some pointless piece of glitter attracts their dull, vacuous eyes as, again, they are enticed into buying some unneccesary piece of excrement on the basis that it will make their pointless existence more endurable.

While I wait behind them for some synapses to spark into life to move them out of the way. This can take some time.

It does get me when you see people entranced by things in shop windows. Poverty is truly not being unable to get food; it’s now that you can’t get a DVD player.

Gosh! I don’t know where that came from!

Bloody Hell! Blood and Sand! Owwww!

2006-07-24T12:51:00.000Z

Well a quick lunch today to catch up with this. Nothing spectacular apart from some pain. I stopped to chat in the street with a work colleague. We were not obstructing the pavement indeed we'd pulled into the 6 inch wide shade of the building to talk. We were chatting pleasantly when a wheelchair containing someone the size of Canterbury Cathedral ran over my foot. A skill in itself as I had my feet facing forward. A couple of kids on bikes had stopped just behind me so the wheelchair had to circumnavigate the bikes, which I was unaware of. However rather than say "excuse me" the woman pushing the wheelchair had just pushed it over my foot. She then had the cheek to say sorry and said, "if they'd moved their bikes it'd never have happened". Somehow her pushing it over my feet was their fault, rather than hers for not bothering trying to ask us to move.

And now I just want to slap everyone!

Party, Party, Party,Party, Party, Party, Party, Party, Party, Oh God!

2006-07-24T11:47:00.000Z

This weekend is the Ben and Jerry's Sundae on Clapham Common http://www.benjerry.co.uk/(now on Saturday too!) Which should be good for a laugh. On Sunday this is followed by Carnaval Del Pueblo - Europe's largest Latin American festival http://www.carnavaldelpueblo.co.uk/ which should make sure that our weekends are apropriately filled. I have a feeling I may need 6 months to recover!

Party, Party, Party

2006-07-23T00:01:00.000Z

Our birthday has come. We are older, We are not a grandmother! Yes it's our 34th birthday and I feel good. A party of the usual suspects turned up to food, drink and merry making. And all enjoyed themselves on pain of death. There was some performance from my sister and hubby and many enjoyed the chilled boudoir with it's aircon and comfy seating.

The Viking invasion!

2006-06-26T11:15:00.000Z

Well, it’s been a little while since my last post. Unfortunately the last month and a half has whizzed by and I’ve spent too much time enjoying myself to write about it. I know, the life of a Goddess should be pretty fun anyway but there are often a lot of demands on you!

Firstly (and for some, maybe most importantly!) do you, or have you suffered from bank charges? Have you been stiffed with a £25 charge for getting a letter saying you’re 20p overdrawn? Well those charges are considered illegal! Which I didn’t know. The link to the article dealing with this is here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?newsid1141050760,24632,

Nextly (interestingly ‘nextly’, isn’t a word but should probably be one!) We are about to have a Viking invasion. Yes, you may remember we went to Oslo for Europride last year. Well now we are returning the favour and they are coming here for Europride. Now there are about 500000 people expected to turn up for the event this year. Rather shockingly, that’s the population of Oslo! So I think the boys may be in for a bit of a shock!

We originally met Thomas, who’s lovely, in Gran Canaria where we ended up hanging out together, mainly being silly but had a great time. Since then we’ve been over to see him, Rikard his boyfriend and Tony, a Swedish friend living in Oslo. Sadly Thomas can’t make it over for health reasons but Rikard and Tony should be here for Pride. Rikard hasn’t been here for about 15 years and Tony has never been here. I think there may be a bit of a culture shock about to take place.

##Update## Rikard changed his flight as the earlier one was full so is arriving a little later. Unlike his luggage which appears to be going round a carousel in Helsinki airport. Apparently they will be delivering it. I need more convincing!

Rise of the Cybermen

2006-05-13T19:23:00.000Z

Bloody Hell! I have to say I was pretty impressed tonight. Cybermen back on the screen in a pretty massive and scary way. And also....

The (almost) death of the TARDIS
The Doctor giving up 10 years of his life
The group being in a paralel Universe
Pete Tyler being alive
And rich
And still with Jackie
And living with Rose
Who in this Universe is a small terrier!
The homeless (and stupid) being kidnapped
Mickeys Grandmother being still alive
Mickey being called Ricky in this Universe
The sounds of human dissection mixed with "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Evil Bluetooth headsets hypnotising everyone.
And lots and lots of Cybermen!

And the Doctor is about to be 'deleted'!

Next week, can't wait!

Ramblin' on

2006-04-22T10:19:00.000Z

Well here we are, into the last week of The Lady Miss Roberta's tenure as flatmate. It seems such a long time ago that she moved in and now she's ready to go and move out and get her own place. Fortunately it dovetails well with plans for 2006. With my mother and stepfather moving to Spain and my sister subsequently having no other base in the country it falls to me to make sure that a) my mother and stepfather have somewhere to stay when they come back to the UK which, presumably, they will need to from time to time and b) my sister needs some base of operations for her bank and all other correspondence as well as a physical base for her when she's in the UK. The downside is that our income will fall somewhat so we're going to have to balance up some economies. On the positive side it means that I will be able to meal plan much more effectively so much less wastage there, on the negative there goes the Sky +! Also time to renegotiate the mortgage with the bank. There are so many financial variables at the moment so it's going to be interesting to see how much can be saved as a family.

Anyway buggering off for our Saturday moning/afternoon walk.

Enjoy!

Spain

2006-03-18T17:21:00.000Z

Second trip to Europe in a month, this time for my Mothers Birthday at the House in Almeria. The flight was arranged for 1pm giving us plenty of time to get to the airport. Ha!

I have an interesting time with public transport. I've always strongly believed in it and believed it was a good thing. Unfortunately something tends to happen on it. Disasters mainly. I have had delays unimaginable, been one of hundreds put off trains in the middle of nowhere in the snow, misdirected to a tiny station with only a 2 hour train service, trapped aboard a train with all it's platform facing doors locked shut and on one memorable occasion had a train engine explode next to me. I would not say that I was cursed but more a case of the universe providing me interest in my life.

Which is nice.

We checked the internet and everything was running smoothly, no problem. The chap selling the tickets said nothing. It was after we got our refreshments and headed for the platform and found that the Stansted Express was a coach. And that they didn't allow refreshments.
Then my significant other dropped his coffee down himself.
He then reminded me of the coffee and fact that we were on a coach for most of the rest of the journey.
The rest of the time he felt sick.
Needless to say, the journey was not a joy.

We got to Stansted with half an hour to check-in so no problems and even enough time for a sandwich and coffee before we went to wait at the gate. Got to the light rail which serves the gates at 12:35 which was ample given that we were flying at 13:00. Except there weren't any trains due to a 'technical fault'. For 30 minutes. We got to the Gate with four other travellers, found it closed but after some discussion with a member of staff we were ushered through and then had to navigate a bewildering array of corridors before finding ourselves haring across the tarmac. Fortunately we got on the plane (though it was taxiing as we got our seats) otherwise my mothers birthday might have been a much quieter affair. The Journey passed reasonably quickly and after a slightly bumpy landing we reached the family.

A lovely time was had over in Spain. I do enjoy it! The climate is very pleasant, the people charming and the food and drink delicious and inexpensive. A lovely birthday was had by my mother as we treated her to a deluxe facial, manicure and pedicure.

The journey home had echoes of the journey out with a 3 hour delay on the flight and again a coach home but otherwise no major disasters.

I shall remember the mood of the significant other and won’t invite him along next time!

Who's a tardy, tardy Goddess!

2006-03-10T08:29:00.000Z

Well, it's been over a month since my last deposit here. On the other hand it's been very busy what with trips to Paris, trips to Spain and various things including singing classes, scaly dishwashers, sinusitis and a somewhat down atmosphere which I'm currently clawing my way out of. It seems that not only is my partner, Diva Stropp and our flatmate and friend 'The Lady' suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (which you can read more about at the UK Seasonal Affective Disorder Association http://www.sada.org.uk/) but I am too. I got Ms Stropp a high intensity light (LED based so reasonable small and portable) but both The Lady and myself have received benefit when we have used it.

I have to say the longer days and (in some cases) improved weather has helped lift my mood. I think I became quite depressed over the broken finger etc so it's rather nice to feel the cloud lift and see some shards of sunlight. I'm also intending to have a much more active year and try to a) Learn to drive; b) learn Spanish; c) learn at least one new skill I haven't done before and d) shake life until it's teeth rattle.

At least that's the idea.

Over the next day I'll put up the blogs I have typed up on my blackberry killer but not got to put online yet.

Toodles!

Tripe and Vino

2006-01-28T15:28:00.000Z

It's been a while again. I always thought that I would have problems with updating this blog. A broken finger was not something I was expecting to be able to have. It is now much recovered thankfully & I’ve just spent an interesting evening with the lovely Rob discussing essentially tripe, but entertaining tripe. He showed me his Chelmsford 123 and KYTV and I tried to introduce him to my ‘Very Peculiar Practice. Cultural exchange aside it was nice to just laugh for a bit something I feel I have been lacking a bit of late. Good news yesterday. The Lady got herself a promotion. More specifically her work colleagues (who were all looking for other jobs) got fired along with the manager whose position she's taking over from. I'm glad to see she's where she always wanted to be finally.

Paris

2006-01-16T16:50:00.000Z

Well we decided to go to Paris for a pre- Valentines day 'romantic' day out. Of course I should have realised what would happen. Waking up was not too much of a problem though it was a bit early at 5.30 am and then belting down to Waterloo was a bit bracing also. Orlando managed to face the day with bravery and fortitude despite the early hour and even managed a quick fag with a group of lady travellers who had gone as far as to bring bubbly but needed an emergency nicotine fix on the platform. Once on the train we were unfortunately facing backwards which I never find the most pleasant way of travelling. We were also sat next to a lady with 2 children who were a little 'vocal'. Orlando then missed the Chunnel by being in the loo. Of course I explained that the Chunnel didn't have any bright lights or dancing girls and looked in fact like a dark tunnel. Nonetheless he didn't believe me and felt that he'd missed a great moment. I actually didn't know we were in France until some minutes after we'd left the tunnel. Apparently there was an announcement which only the people in the toilets heard. This, interestingly, meant that Orlando was the first to know when we entered France.

Once we arrived we went straight to The Eiffel Tower for the most stereotypical visit to France wit an amazing view over the capital. After a quick visit to the Trocadero the hubby decided he'd not seen enough Gay life and so we took a taxi to the 'gay' area, at least according to the Taxi driver. We were then redirected to a bar that, to be honest, appeared mixed but had some eye candy behind the bar. We were then redirected to a restaurant up the street where I enjoyed a quite passable Carbonara. We walked to the nearest Metro with the intention to return to the Eurostar but were thwarted by the inconsiderate person who threw themselves onto the track. This being Paris there were very few tourists who were equipped to understand what the message over the tannoy meant so while all the Parisians got off we were all left on the tube before , hesitantly getting off ourselves. I then did what I had done for the rest of the time in Paris. I tried to speak to a Parisian in French. I managed to say. Excuse me I'm a British Tourist with very few French skills, may I ask what's happening? And I have to say despite the somewhat fearsome reputation the Parisians have for not talking to people who cannot speak French (Or even if you do and are not from Paris) I found everyone helpful and supportive and in many cases were happy to speak in English. As the Queen Mother used to say ‘Respect'.
The lady who I asked was very helpful and explained what happened and immediately about four or five tourists came up to me and asked me what was going on including a Japanese couple who didn't speak English! I can only assume that they found me less intimidating than the French!

Anyway we bypassed the problem and headed back to the UK on the (fortunately much less packed with kids) Eurostar.

Just as an aside £25 of Tesco Clubcard vouchers can get you a day trip to Paris. See how here. www.moneysavingexpert.com.

House of (S)pain

2006-01-06T16:22:00.000Z

We'll we're at the house now and it's very peaceful, we have, however suffered with a terrible nights sleep, mainly due to the large amount if coffee we were stoked with yesterday coupled with the Spanish mattress we had to sleep on. Spanish beds seem to be specifically designed for people to roll together and crush each other whilst also bending their backs uncomfortably. However the weather is particularly nice with temperatures of 18C and I've just has a siesta in the sun.

The local village bar has had a bit of a facelift and is finally being used properly by the residents so it is making itself a nice focus for the village. With my sister dancing with fire there it proved to be an irresistible draw!

Almeria Away

2006-01-03T16:18:00.000Z

Well, after the eventful time over Christmas it was something of a relief to get away. Almeria in Spain is the family destination of choice. This is mainly due to my mother and stepfathers decision to ultimately retire out there. Oddly enough the journey to my mother's house on the south coast is about 2 1/2 hours away by train. Almeria on the south eastern corner of Spain is about 4 1/2 hours away by train and plane. The train and bus costs to my mother’s old place are about 46 pounds and this current trip to Almeria is 120 but we could have had it for about 70 pounds. I don't regard the extra cost as being too ruinous and given that we are in a European country with a significantly different climate, cuture and habits, I think it's a pretty good deal! Both Ryanair and Easyjet fly there and there are some good hotels in the area. We're also a short ferry ride from Morocco which we'll have to try sometime.

Obey!

2005-12-28T15:03:00.000Z

Well, another Christmas Day out of the way. I had limited cooking capability (due to a broken finger) so much of the work was handled by my hubby and sister. A very pleasant meal was had followed by the Christmas Special 'Doctor Who'. In turns, and sometimes together, an entertaining and intense script. With a good companion and a good Doctor, when awake. It felt most like the Episode 'Rose' written for the Doctor with a more solid foundation for everyone.

All in all I was most pleased!

I also received a Dalek, Slitheen and CE Doctor Walkie Talkies, a TARDIS money box and an associated publication. Far more than I was expecting!

No good deed goes unpunished!

The Quiet before Christmas

2005-12-24T14:58:00.000Z

Was pretty much lacking for us at Gay Gables. There was an incident where I obtained a broken finger (my own) and much dissaray was scattered through the house. I shall gloss over the events but they were rather unwelcome. Also my sister stayedm there was a choral recital in the style of Ethel Merman and much Pizza and wine at the Departmental Christmas Shindig. The Office meal went well at the Crown public house (108 Blackfriars Road, London) and much merriment was had.

And now to see what Satan brings.

Sorry, 'Santa'.

Nuntastic!

2005-12-03T15:52:00.000Z

Well the party was had, the drinks drunk, the nibbles eaten, the Sing-along-a-Sound-of-Music was Sung-along-a-Sound-of-Music. The music was played, the fur coats dropped, the boas brought, the Therapist and Killer Penguin provided, the punch drunk, the Whiskey exhaled, the hilarity caused, the tears wept, the sides split, the unconsciousness unconsciousnessed on the hallway floor, the departures, the taxis booked, the strange man visiting some chap called Bella called at the door and the entertainment shaken till the life had gone, gone, gone.

Rose tint my world is all I can say!

Thanks to Daniel, Dave, Steve, Chris, Rob, Alan, Kim, and Dave II the revenge.

Of course particular thanks to my darling Diva Stropp and The Lady herself of course

XXX GP

All Change!

2005-12-02T17:00:00.000Z

Well the party was all organised for Friday night. Appropriately nun themed invites went out at high speed and all was made rapidly ready. And then I got a text from TLMR informing me that she had just been made redundant. Now, the primary reason for moving was to be closer to work. Plainly this was no longer the case and, of course, there were some nunning, sorry nagging suspicions about the new flat and its inhabitants. Under the circumstances the move was cancelled and she stayed with us.

Hooray!

We’re still having the party though.

Hooray!

Sister Sunday.

2005-12-01T15:46:00.000Z

Well she's on her way back, finally! It's taken a little while but she's back from Thailand. On the day she's due back she's arriving at 7.30am... On a Sunday . I live in London, one of the largest and most cosmopolitan cities in the world and am a non-Christian. It is a bugbear for me that I cannot travel to places easily on a Sunday as on any other day. If it were any other day I'd just go there on the Tube but at 6am I have to go by two busses and the Heathrow Express. It's the same with shopping. On Sunday it is still illegal to sell a Bible, or Fish & Chips. And you still cannot have shops open as normal in case we're struck down with rampant hedonism. Honestly!

The Departure of The Lady Miss Roberta! (Or 'Get Thee To The Nunnery!)

2005-11-30T15:45:00.000Z

Another shock, with The Lady rather spontaneously deciding to leave Gay Gables to go and live with three other girls and a 'Landlady' who objects to people 'stopping overnight'. We have come to the conclusion that the place is some kind of nunnery, the 'Landlady' is a Mother Superior and her room is a monastic (or should that be nuntastic!) cell. Needless to say we're getting her 'appropriate' presents. IE a foot long 'Jeff Stryker' a 'tomato' plant and a still.
She's moving this Saturday and it's going to be a bit of a wrench. She'll be around on Sunday for lunch so it fortunately won't be a clean break.

A party has been organised at very short notice for her leaving. The theme is vaguely nuns and I shall be making my Compline Cocktail to obliterate any survivors.

Magical

2005-11-25T15:11:00.000Z

I now have my Blackberry killer. The SPV M5000. It's quite similar to my previous phone (the SPV M1000) except a little larger and considerably more snazzy with a good quality fold out keyboard and improved connectivity with a direct USB port which also charges from there, the same SD/MMC card slot and this time a standard size headphone socket, perfect for speakers on trips away! I'm rather pleased with it, though as ever it's taking a little adjustment. There are some differences with the interface which take a little getting used to. To all intents and purposes it's a tiny laptop which even has Wi-Fi so in the right places you can get internet without costly call charges. As with all these things it takes getting used to but the potential is enormous. We will have to see if it's glamour fades! And my sister’s getting my old one!

The After Morning from the Before Night. A story of time and space travel.

2005-11-24T15:10:00.000Z

Well, yesterday was, as I mentioned, the 42nd anniversary of the creation of Doctor Who. It's quite startling when I can remember the 20th anniversary so clearly. We had the lovely Rob round for one of my usual sizeable dinners consisting of Garlic Roasted Potatoes, Roasted Roots, mixed veg, Pot Roast of Brisket and gravy followed by Black and White Bread and Butter Pudding. This was assisted by substantial quantities of red wine and cava to the point that the Hot Chocolate with Brandy became somewhat redundant. We also had The Web of Fear on the box follwed by some music/Who clips, and the end of The Doctor Dances with a finale of the Extra on the DVD Making The Christmas Invasion. All very entertaining. We also got another additional guest, a friend called JP who works with The Lady and much merriement was had therof. He, having rejected the pudding outright, proceeded to wolf it down in quantity. Motto: always try things when away from home, you never know you might like them!

Tonight on the other hand should be a much quieter affair with wholesome soup and bread rolls followed by some pennance and Stargate Atlantis.

I feel quite pure and virginal!

Saturday 23rd of November 1963

2005-11-23T15:09:00.000Z

For those of you not in the know, it is the 42nd anniversary of the start of Doctor Who. As a fan this is quite significant to me, particularly since we came so close to the programme disapearing from the schedules forever or, maybe worse still being produced as a high budget, plot thin, special effecs extravaganza that the Fox network would have produced. In spite, or maybe because of its unfortunate and unloved recent past it was farmed out to BBC Wales and given, as a last ditch attempt to woo him to the Beeb, to Russel T Davis. He has managed to turn the series into the most successful series on the BBC for 2005 and probbably the most successful so far in the 21st Century, considering how it trounced all the others at awards. It appeals to young children, teens, twentysomethings, pensioners, girls, boys, familes and poofs.

And you can't say many things that do!

Flurry of updates!

2005-11-22T15:08:00.000Z

I think the problem with blogging is that I have problems with updating it regularly. I write it all down but then have problems with getting it onto the web. I also end up providing updates that sometimes seem less than pithy and which do not seem to be up to my usually high quality. Such a perfectionist eh? Anyway, this is by way of explaining why my entries (phnarr phnarr!) seem so inconsistent and have so many gaps.

I soon hope to resume normal service and apologise for any incovenience!