De ‘Press’ ed rather than Im ‘Press’ed

A lovely front page headline in the Daily (Hate) Mail which the inestimable Rob sent to me went “Married Couples Live Longer” causing needless grief for the dear boy. Plainly as it’s the (Hate) this should be filtered out to “Respectable, Middle Class, Heterosexual, Anglo-Saxon, Conservative with a percieved small c but actually have a C the size of the Pacific, English, Baptised, Anglican, Sexist, Racist, Homophobic, Bigoted, Married in church without too much fuss, Couples (who could have been divorced or widowed before, we’re quite modern), Live Longer (Than other people who you’ve met by accident or seen on television, probably Eastenders or maybe those funny foreign ones in the Lebanon).

You could so clearly see that the paper had come out before all the airports had been put on high alert. They’ve had no news for days and then PASSENGER MISSILES OF DEATH! NON ANGLO-SAXON KILLERS! BRING BACK HANGING… NO NO BOILING IN OIL! And the news breaks an hour after the print run. Now they just look like they’re trying to catch up. HAND LUGGAGE STILL BANNED APART FROM ESSENTIAL DOCUMENTS, WALLETS AND PURSES, NAPPIES AND MILK IF YOU TEST IT FIRST BUT HAVE TO BE IN A CLEAR PLASTIC BAG SO PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE A LAUGH AT YOUR PASSPORT PHOTO WHICH WOULD BE AN INDIGNITY does not have the same ring as SKIES OF BLOOD.

Nonetheless, what a crowd of vultures!