The Writing on the Wall

It appears that Ms Zimmer has arrived. Having heard that I was on a mission of mercy she appears to have decided to join me, one hopes to provide support rather than any satanic motive. She also has managed to procure three sets of club class tickets for our return to Blighty. If I didn't know her better I would wonder how a pensioner could afford it but I remember some mention yesterday of pilots losing control over planes on a particular airline which then abated suddenly.

Perhaps I'm too cynical.

She also appears keen on attending the Full Moon Party, something I feel little need to do, apart from mitigate any disasters that may occur due to Miss Zimmer’s presence.

It is possible.

Also my niece is insisting on attending. She so reminds me of my Great Grandmother in her stubbornness. I still remembering that she believed you could cure Syphilis by rubbing the affected area with Borax and a Brillo pad, she would not be told otherwise. She ultimately died of heavy metal poisoning from ingestion.

Such a shame, but a woman with principle.

Recovery

I am exceedingly grateful Ms Zimmer is not here at the moment. I am not sure but I think I must have been suffering with some kind of heatstroke. I am having a rather putrid head. On the other hand, I have met up with my niece who found me and brought me to her home. It appears I may have been working under a misapprehension. It appears that she is merely on holiday out here and she, on questioning believes that she may have sent her communiqué under the influence of heatstroke. I do hope I did not put anything unexpected or untoward in my electronic mail. I shall communicate at sundown.

Good Samaritan

I have been looking for my niece this morning and have just broken my fast with a mixed fruit shake which the proprietor indicates is 'Very good, very good' and indeed it appears excellent with an unusual flavour. It is very refreshing though which is excellent in this climate. I feel most relAxed apart for the urgent search for my guru where I want to discuss my mystical realities and follow the yellow brick road clear to the emmerrraled sity which is flying past on the back of a ginat orange swan which has me in it's green beak and flying aand fllyyy. Where is the light. Love yoooooooooop Battttttyyy, BATTyy batbat.

Madness Ahoy!

I awoke again this morning and was shocked to find that I was again in a hammock and it was almost the middle of the day, I suppose I may be coming down with something.

I also appear to have eaten almost four pounds of Kendal Mint Cake.

And, it appears, tried to barbeque a dog on the balcony. There is evidence of sooting and my 'Jane’s Girls Guide to Life' book was firmly folded over to the chapter 'How to eat in the wild'. The dog is also looking at me rather reproachfully.

I do hope that I'm not going mad, again.

Lady in the Wild

As I’m sure you would put it, Chlamydia, I'm adventurous and not deterred by challenge but when I was called upon to rescue my niece from torment of Suncliff Prison in Thailand I immediately made arrangements, booked flights, cancelled the cat and had the papers put out. I sallied forth on a murky day in August and jetted to an uncertain destination. Sadly my niece's correspondence was a little incoherent. Apparently she is deprived of toilet paper and instead has some kind of water spray. Her letter also indicated other tortuous practices which I don’t care to mention. I will, however, say that she has to drink from buckets and had every joint in her body pulled apart. For this reason, I have travelled across continents to rescue her.

I arrived at the island neighbouring my destination and was surprised to be informed that there was no prison on Koh Phangan. There was an area called Suncliff near the main town of Haad Rin. Unfortunately the jet lag took its toll and after the herbal cigarette I was offered to calm my nerves I went right off to sleep. In a hammock as it turned out. Something I haven't done since I was in the Turkish Navy!

The jet-lag obviously was far more taxing than I thought as, when I awoke, it was just before 6 O'clock on the day after I had arrived. I hurriedly took my leave of the group who I had left the aeroplane with and headed for the boat. The crossing was uneventful and relatively inexpensive though my position near the engine was quite 'distracting' to both myself and the other female travellers. and after 45 minutes I disembarked into the frighteningly strange world of Koh Phangan. From what I could see, and the sun had just set by this stage, the main street seems to be very 'rural' in appearance in terms of construction though there are signs of concrete, Mr Macadam would be turning in his grave! The wiring along the streets seems to be a little inexpert with crackling and fizzing in progress which was more than a little disturbing not to say static inducing. I have found lodgings in an establishment just to the east of the main town which has barely serviceable sleeping arrangements and was able to Breville a cheese and ham toastie for me enabling me not to have to break into the bars of Kendal Mint Cake you had sequestered on my person before I left. Anyway it's quite late so I am going to rest with a cup of tea and some cake that a neighbour has kindly offered me.

The following is a flavour of Vitriol and Old Lace.

You can see more, if you are inclined at www.vitriolandoldlace.com. For those not in the know it involves the correspondence between two silver surfers who attempt to 'manage' a number of ladies in their charge. Maybe mitigate would be a better word....