Holiday at Home.

It’s been an interesting couple of days. The chalet park is regimented in a style most people would describe as barracks, though the accommodation is comfortable chintz. The food is fried and the people are fat. The sea is cold and the rain is wet but the sun is warm and pleasant. If only the families didn’t regard a fast food place doing burgers, pizza and ubiquitous carvery as a normal thing. Still it’s been a break and it’s been very interesting seeing where my partner used to holiday.

Hemsby is a little bit different than I'm used to. When we weren't on holidays as a child we also stayed in a caravan park but it was even more isolated with one shop and a pub. Here it's a lot of flat pack arcades and Phoenix Nights style club/pubs with a rotating band and entertainment list. I was horrified by the amount of excess weight being lugged around by people. I felt like a supermodel in the crowd of chip and carvery grazers. You did feel you didn't want to get in their way in case you were eaten. Nonetheless Norfolk is a pretty place and the Broads are very tranquil so we did get to relax. The journey home was pleasant and First class which I have no objections to.

I have to say, interesting time though it was, there is no place like home!

Time flies by...

Well we're now on the rattling local service to great Yarmouth. I've always been very fortunate that wherever I've lived, the train service was always popular enough to warrant 'heavy duty trains'. I've been on a few 'local' services before. Once in Birmingham (they’re built like rural bus services balanced on train wheels and now this one which is a diesel train version of a National Express Coach. Including the upsetting misfits and grinding engine. I think the 90's have just arrived for the Yooof of Norfolk. Shell suits are in abundance. The train is the shade of green/gray you normally find in marshes and bogs and I hope the only reason it is that they thought that it wouldn't show the gravy rather than it having crashed in the marshes 20 years ago and has only recently been dragged out. It would explain the smell.

I know I sound like I don't like Norfolk. I have been to the Broads and had a great, relaxing time (on the whole). I'm just concerned about staying in a chalet park with the in laws. I know I've stayed in huts on isolated Thai beaches; however this is not the same as I am not relying on myself. I normally don't like relying on others and when you're turning up in the dark to a place you don' know it can be a bit of a nightmare - particularly if you're as much of a control freak as me. We're now whizzing through marsh at a pace I would consider inadvisable while the carriage shakes from side to side. Hopefully it should all be fine!

Off to the bogs!

Here I am, taking my general inclinations in my hand and surrounded by a bunch of besuited yokels. I use derogatory language because they've started talking about the Gays and are not being too pleasant (while also being enourmously naive and lacking any external perception). They appear to all work in the same office patently and have probably employed sons, nephews, cousins and some of those more 'complicated' relationships some families have when isolated from other people by living in a marsh. There might even be some women there but only if they've had a shave and a short haircut. The language sounds like the Vicar of Dibley with even the word why transformed into Whhhhuuuuuiiiiiiyy? I have a feeling I may not have time for a conversation here. Once Good Morning is exchanged it'd probably be afternoon. We're due to arrive at Norwich (it's the quiz of the week!) so I'll pick up once we've got on our next train.

More Tea Vicar

It's got flavinoids!



"BBC More Tea?"

The Impossible Planets

And, as if by magic suddenly one of the planets dissapeared and the remaining 8 found themselves surrounded by dwarves!

"BBC - The Planets"


Oh, I wish, I wish, I could stick in html links easily!

Final Frontierish

Ladies and Gentlemen we have a new planet. Well, we have three new planets.

They are

Charon (moon/twin of Pluto)
UB313 (Currently known as Zena)
Ceres (Largest object in the asteroid belt)

Hopefully they’ll rename Zena or rename it something less Sci-Fi Fanny. How about Cassius? That was named as the 10th planet in ‘Doctor Who’ back in 1977.

Honestly, it’s only because no one want’s to demote Pluto to big asteroid!

I can imagine that we’re going to end up with hundreds of the buggers now!

The Worst Show

I tuned into ‘The One Show’ this afternoon as Freema Agyeman was on it (She being the new companion on ‘Doctor Who’. It’s also a new programme and I thought that it might be interesting.

I don’t believe I was right.

Because the programme I watched wasn’t ‘The One Show’.

It was ‘Nationwide’

For those of you who don’t know (or are too young) there is something about Nationwide here
http://www.tvradiobits.co.uk/bitsandpieces/nationwide2.htm and here http://offthetelly.co.uk/factual/nationwide.htm

Of course there is no problem with reintroducing a programme which has been off the screen for a while (as a Doctor Who fan I stand by that). On the other hand, it’s 2006. Nationwide has been off the air for 23 years and relied on outside broadcasts and ‘interesting’ topics from the public countrywide (as local news stations were mainly provided by ITV or radio). So you live in Kidderminster and someone in Aberdeen is having a street party about a poet who lived in his street 50 years ago and you sit there wondering what that smell of smoke is. You turn over to ITV and get told that toxic fumes are sweeping your area and you need to close your windows urgently. I think local news is sometimes a bit more interesting than distant regional whimsy. We also have been doing satellite link ups and outside broadcast for years. How could they get it so wrong and do it so badly. The presenters Adrian Chiles and Nadia Sawalha did their best but have little chemistry. I’ve always liked Nadia Sawalha but she stuttered and paused and at the end ssspppoookkkeee veeeerry sllllloooowwwllly aaaattt theeeee ennnd as the programme had under run by about 20 seconds. The linkups where stilted and poor and had delay on the communication where people talked over one another. It’s a shame.

Bloody, bloody, bloody!

Not only do I have to deal with the railways and their disastrous service, I also have to deal with a man who is sounding like an outraged dowager aunt with a foul mouth. Astonishingly, when something goes wrong, and better still, when a number of things go wrong, my interest in a dramatic recitation of what has gone wrong coupled with a complete list of my perceived faults and omissions that caused the delay, is limited (Presumably I psychically caused someone to throw themselves under a train at Clapham Junction). Frankly I'm rather teetering on the edge here! Hopefully I won't become homicidal, or worse still honest and cutting, which would ultimately cause my loving husband to be buried in a shallow grave on a railway embankment. Currently he's making a noise like a steam train every few minutes and even that is weathering my tolerant exterior after the aforementioned criticisms. Apparently the fact that I got the journey timetable followed by the late arrival of a train started the whole thing off. Indeed the train being late is less of an issue that my timetable being wrong. I tried to point out that the train was late and my timetable was correct but to no avail. Patently I am just ranting but I'm finding it very cathartic. And God I need cathartic now!

De ‘Press’ ed rather than Im ‘Press’ed

A lovely front page headline in the Daily (Hate) Mail which the inestimable Rob sent to me went “Married Couples Live Longer” causing needless grief for the dear boy. Plainly as it’s the (Hate) this should be filtered out to “Respectable, Middle Class, Heterosexual, Anglo-Saxon, Conservative with a percieved small c but actually have a C the size of the Pacific, English, Baptised, Anglican, Sexist, Racist, Homophobic, Bigoted, Married in church without too much fuss, Couples (who could have been divorced or widowed before, we’re quite modern), Live Longer (Than other people who you’ve met by accident or seen on television, probably Eastenders or maybe those funny foreign ones in the Lebanon).

You could so clearly see that the paper had come out before all the airports had been put on high alert. They’ve had no news for days and then PASSENGER MISSILES OF DEATH! NON ANGLO-SAXON KILLERS! BRING BACK HANGING… NO NO BOILING IN OIL! And the news breaks an hour after the print run. Now they just look like they’re trying to catch up. HAND LUGGAGE STILL BANNED APART FROM ESSENTIAL DOCUMENTS, WALLETS AND PURSES, NAPPIES AND MILK IF YOU TEST IT FIRST BUT HAVE TO BE IN A CLEAR PLASTIC BAG SO PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE A LAUGH AT YOUR PASSPORT PHOTO WHICH WOULD BE AN INDIGNITY does not have the same ring as SKIES OF BLOOD.

Nonetheless, what a crowd of vultures!

Just the light hatbox madam?

TERRORIST ALERT! TERRORIST ALERT! TERRORIST ALERT!

Well, it all seems to have kicked off today. Apparently there’s been a plot to take bombs on planes in hand luggage. Again I find it very hard to understand why blowing up planes seems to be the way forward with dealing with people. Again I’m rather hoping that the people they caught weren’t just in possession of swarthy skin and dangerous facial hair.

All hand luggage has to be stowed if you want to fly, causing not a little inconvenience to many travellers. Now I just want the people accused to explain why they wanted to blow up the planes in a clear manner, just to I can get my head round it all. It does seem very galling that whenever something like this happens and the person admits it all we get in the press is a 5 word sound bite about doing it for a religious figure. It often sounds like someone went up to them in the street and said “God asked me to ask you to kill a few hundred people – for his greater glory you understand?” And they said “Well, if it’s for his greater glory, yes, of course.” It never feels like anyone thought about it enough to be able to clearly justify it. I would love to hear the justification with someone who could talk about it to me! Then I could argue and we would be able to understand each others position. Until that day I’m stuck with the concept that the ideals involved – not in general religion but in the specific cases of these people wanting to kill others – are too unformed to be able to justify. Maybe I should have put up

IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT!

Is life so bad? We still have owls, penguins, bats and polar bears? Our planet, despite being a bit frayed around the edges is still a largely beautiful place.

Bran Muffins

It has come to my attention that foodwise I am somewhat addicted to crap. I enjoy sugar and fat and carbohydrate and protein and everything in-between. This is an issue. As a Goddess I should be a figure of abundance. As anyone who’s been to Gay Gables and been fed will attest, you don’t generally go away hungry. More recently I have been directing my energies towards a more Wholemeal approach. Brown Rice, Brown Pasta, Wholemeal Bread etc. The quality of my food has improved as well with no sawdust laden sausages, cheapest eggs laden with antibiotics and the like. However I still eat too much sugar and fat. Chocolate is a downfall, so are fried foods. I do find myself occasionally craving them – which is just the point, they’re designed to be craved. Whilst evolving our palates became focussed on the things we couldn’t get. Oils and natural sugars particularly. Without nuts and seeds we would have become malnourished over the winter months as most meat was very lean and there was little vegetation. Of course we now do not have any of those periods of want. Instead sugar cane was discovered and then processed to create ‘cheap’ food to satisfy poor families hunger. Then fast food came along with the other area. Flavoured protein/fat combinations, burgers, pizzas, chips etc. All perfectly attuned to a simian brain designed to seek these things out because they’re rare.

When I was younger, and I had less weight around me, I wouldn’t have a problem with these foods. I couldn’t afford to eat out and had to eke out a pack of bourbons for a week so I didn’t run out. Now I have greater income and no restrictions save those that I give myself and all that happens when shopping is my little monkey brain jumping up and down on its branch going “Oook! Oook!” as I pass the chocolate truffles. And there’s no use trying to explain that it’s not fruit as monkeybrain says sweet must be fruit. It’s very frustrating. However, the time has come I think to lock up monkeyboy and go for the alternatives. Nice fresh salads. Stir Frys. Something else soul destroying I can’t think of yet.

Rubbish. I can do this. Think of what this kind of food is doing to America at the moment. Seeing distended children bobbling around like water balloons. Who knows, with the way it’s going with the obesity demographics, by the time I’m 40 I maybe the equivalent of an Adonis!

Every picture needs and understated frame.

I don’t care what the adverts say. Malibu does not go with Piccalilli!

Well here I am after a weekend of Brighton Pride and some debauchery (which sadly included a whole tub of Häagen-Dazs) and I feel like I need a diet (not to say some healing). I feel like I’ve swallowed a sideboard. My diet seems to have gone up the wall a bit. This weekend I tried to be good. Had a Sausage, Egg and Mushroom wrap as I knew we were going to have a busy day. I then followed it up with a spicy bean burger with lots of salad, which was yummy and quite virtuous. And then chips, and more chips. We all then went home and vegetated. Sunday started well as my hubby made kedgeree, which is always good for a ‘morning after’. However after my third bowl I realised that I was probably going down a slippery slope! Not long after this I had a Toffee Crisp minibar and then the aforementioned Häagen-Dazs which, given its calories seems to go down surprisingly easily! At that point I realised movement was futile so I stopped. To follow this up we had an immensely humid night (up to 70% according to my Barometer) and a subsequent sleep full of being boiled, drowning and being smothered. I am not the best rested bunny today!

Tonight we have a lemon fresh visit from the lovely Rob. Hopefully I will not be unconscious!

Cats in a bag!

Normally we don’t have any problems at all; indeed we all look out for each other. However, this morning at 5.30am we were awakened by screeches. No, no-one had been injured, hurt or anything else. It was to girls having a set to outside our front door like two cats in a bag. From what we could gather one claimed that the other had nicked the other’s purse or some such issue. Nonetheless, how you would notice this at 5.30am is beyond me and why they felt the need to leave the house and stand outside to set-to I have no idea. They shut up after a few minutes but left us with rather fractured sleep. I think words may need to be had. Either that or they may need to be spayed.

Sleep! I need sleep!

Money, money, money...

I have sometimes felt that many people don’t understand the… well… not the importance of money, but the relevance of money. Him indoors has often suggested that I ‘not cook’ and ‘we’ll order in’ (I hasten to add this is not some commentary on my cooking, more about time spent relaxing). Today I was able to show him the cost of this lunching out lifestyle when I pointed out that bringing in food to work this week has saved us about £40. And that doing this for a working year saves about £1700. Which is a rather luxurious 2 weeks in Thailand.

He’s now rather keen on the Idea.

Next thing… the smoking!

Dinner with Mollify

We had the lovely Mollify (Molly) round for dinner yesterday. She revealed that she likes Doctor Who but hadn’t had a chance to see any of the new stuff. Big mistake! Needless to say the erroneously named complete first series leapt from the box and onto the screen and much enjoyment was had until the Doctor was being strangled by a disembodied Auton arm. Unfortunately, at that precise moment our DVD player suddenly decided that a still of Chris was all we needed from that point on. We were forced to decamp to the Xbox thingy and continue there. However, if anyone knows of a good, inexpensive surround sound DVD player please do let me know. Nonetheless we finished off Rose and continued to The End of the World which produced similar entrancement.

It is a great joy to show someone who is receptive the series. It’s like watching it all over again with a fresh perspective. The Madam, Ms Sharon slapping The Lady’s leg when the real bad guys turned up in Doomsday was wonderful. It's always a pleasure. The only downside to showing the DVD is the 40 minute run in time while it goes through it's 45 long winded logos. The fact you can't skip the whole title sequence TARDIS console bit as well. I just want to watch. If I want to see the companies involved I'll look at the end credits. Still a good night though.

And then it turned out Molly liked Spaced as well!