Join SAILBOAT

Do you, or do someone you live with suffer from diminished intelligence?

Due to government concerns that the lack of a capable and intelligent workforce in the future and the potential shortfall in taxation due to the high number of slack-jawed yokels claiming benefit, a survey is being taken to assess the problem.

Over the coming weeks, if you have a member of your household who is suffering from an inability to form sentences apart from “You're in front of t' telly!”, “Poofs/Blacks/Muslims/women is wrong!” and “Get me a beer.” They may also have a number of friends or 'mates' who wear synthetic tops with numbers on, or advertise banks that have made you as poor as you are now. Are they unsatisfying in the bedroom, thinking only of themselves? Are they insensitive, boorish or spongelike? Are they possibly made of fat?

If you have someone like this in your home please hang a white flag with a red cross on it outside your home. Our survey will be able to identify how widespread the problem is. If you feel that you or your household members are of particular concern please also tag their car/van.

If they additionally happen to have a penis smaller than 3cm can you instruct them to drive around in their vehicle blowing their horn after a football match win? It will make tracking down these poor wastes of blood and their removal from the gene pool so much easier.

Thank you for your assistance.

SAILBOAT
(Society for the Abolition of Illiterate, Loutish, Bastards Obsessed About Tits)