I watch far more of the BBC than any other channel. We have freeview after I realised that I watch far more there than I ever did on Sky. However ITV1 should show people what the BBC could become. It's job is to provide something for everyone. To be fair I would pay for the license fee for Doctor Who, QI, a good chunk of their comedy and the news (yes, not a fan of the new news website). I understand that people object to paying a flat rate tax for a service that they may not use - personally it would be nice if it could be on a sliding scale according to income but that would be hell to organise. However what it does produce compared to the alternatives far outweigh the costs. If the government funded it directly you'd probably never notice the difference but it would leave the BBC under the control of the government and we have enough of that with the press. I can't think of anything on ITV1 that people watch apart from reality TV, which cost little as people already pay a tax to watch that in order to vote and of course Coronation Street.
We are the envy of the world! Have you ever watched TV in other countries? It's either rubbish or our stuff. America produces some good stuff but the population is huge so the income is huge. And they have adverts in some programmes every 3 minutes that last longer!
Yes, they could tighten up their act and we should ensure that they're running efficiently but to do without them and rely on advertisers to judge what they're prepared to support would leave us with unchallenging, non-controversial programming.
And it's worth remembering the commercial channels produce what they do to compete with the BBC. It drags up the quality of TV accross the board. Without it quality would sag like a set of Primark knickers after some heavy washing and would be as interesting to see.
So do you want saggy Primark knickers? Do you?
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Join SAILBOAT
Do you, or do someone you live with suffer from diminished intelligence?
Due to government concerns that the lack of a capable and intelligent workforce in the future and the potential shortfall in taxation due to the high number of slack-jawed yokels claiming benefit, a survey is being taken to assess the problem.
Over the coming weeks, if you have a member of your household who is suffering from an inability to form sentences apart from “You're in front of t' telly!”, “Poofs/Blacks/Muslims/women is wrong!” and “Get me a beer.” They may also have a number of friends or 'mates' who wear synthetic tops with numbers on, or advertise banks that have made you as poor as you are now. Are they unsatisfying in the bedroom, thinking only of themselves? Are they insensitive, boorish or spongelike? Are they possibly made of fat?
If you have someone like this in your home please hang a white flag with a red cross on it outside your home. Our survey will be able to identify how widespread the problem is. If you feel that you or your household members are of particular concern please also tag their car/van.
If they additionally happen to have a penis smaller than 3cm can you instruct them to drive around in their vehicle blowing their horn after a football match win? It will make tracking down these poor wastes of blood and their removal from the gene pool so much easier.
Thank you for your assistance.
SAILBOAT
(Society for the Abolition of Illiterate, Loutish, Bastards Obsessed About Tits)
Due to government concerns that the lack of a capable and intelligent workforce in the future and the potential shortfall in taxation due to the high number of slack-jawed yokels claiming benefit, a survey is being taken to assess the problem.
Over the coming weeks, if you have a member of your household who is suffering from an inability to form sentences apart from “You're in front of t' telly!”, “Poofs/Blacks/Muslims/women is wrong!” and “Get me a beer.” They may also have a number of friends or 'mates' who wear synthetic tops with numbers on, or advertise banks that have made you as poor as you are now. Are they unsatisfying in the bedroom, thinking only of themselves? Are they insensitive, boorish or spongelike? Are they possibly made of fat?
If you have someone like this in your home please hang a white flag with a red cross on it outside your home. Our survey will be able to identify how widespread the problem is. If you feel that you or your household members are of particular concern please also tag their car/van.
If they additionally happen to have a penis smaller than 3cm can you instruct them to drive around in their vehicle blowing their horn after a football match win? It will make tracking down these poor wastes of blood and their removal from the gene pool so much easier.
Thank you for your assistance.
SAILBOAT
(Society for the Abolition of Illiterate, Loutish, Bastards Obsessed About Tits)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Moving in a Mysterious Way
Well, it’s been a while – and a rather eventful one at that.
Our birthdays went well, our life continues. The recession bit and Woolies closed.
Bankers were pariahed and then paid a lot to put things right for us.
The public sector were told they were bad for taking away all the money – they’d probably stolen it off the bankers – and that they wouldn’t be getting any more as rubbish collection, teaching, supporting the elderly and ensuring that the public were safe was not nearly so important as having a Porsche and living in a detached house in Surrey with a trophy wife called Porscha.
We watched as the Government managed to lead the world – to the acknowledgement of the world - in strategies to resolve the debt only to read in the papers that Gordon Brown was personally responsible for the recession and he must’ve travelled to the States to bring down the whole, wobbly, foundation of Capitalism. In short, he managed something that Communism didn’t manage to do. Not only that, he was responsible for simultaneously leading us in the wrong direction and failing to lead us. And having poor handwriting – blind or not, he should try harder.
Christmas came and went. We followed the recession spirit and had a family oriented cheapy which worked very well.
We also had three Doctor Who specials
The Waters of Mars
A sinister dark non-starter. The Doctor arrives on Mars before the first base is destroyed. He knows everyone is going to die but not how. 40 mins later he buggers off to let them get on with it and then decides he’s in charge of time and rather than get the TARDIS and save them he runs back, sends a comedy robot to get the TARDIS and saves the last three. One of whom shoots herself to show the error of his time meddling ways. Rather than, say, shooting him.
Ood Sigma turns up to sing at him.
The End of Time – Part One
The Master is resurrected. Wilf wants the Doctor to save Donna. The Doctor refuses. The Master turns everyone into copies of himself. Wilf asks the Doctor to kill the Master and return everyone back to normal. The Doctor refuses. The Master finds a way to save the Time Lords. The Doctor grabs a gun. He’s a bit contrary today.
And Donna has a headache.
The End of Time – Part Two
Donnas’ headache causes her to have a nap, and knock out every copy of the Master in Chiswick. The Time Lords try to bring Gallifrey back in our Solar System – The World is in Peril… more Peril. The Doctor shoots the jury rigged network server with a diamond in it and everything twangs back into place.
Wilf got locked in a box and the Doctor triggers his regeneration by saving him.
He then goes for a few quick trips, shopping for books and lottery tickets for the afterlife, sets up Captain Jack with someone lonely, depressed and half his visible age, provides the kind of brooding, non-talking presence that might persuade Martha to go back to doctoring rather than running around with Mickey the Grunt with the worst hair extensions, has a quick grope of Sarah Jane’s adopted son and messes with his own timeline by setting a bomb in Rose Tyler’s flat to make sure her mum never travels with him.
He then regenerates – which breaks the TARDIS. See I told you better out than in!
His new persona then spouts ‘Catchphrase’!
Well that’s us up to date.
The future lies this way…
Our birthdays went well, our life continues. The recession bit and Woolies closed.
Bankers were pariahed and then paid a lot to put things right for us.
The public sector were told they were bad for taking away all the money – they’d probably stolen it off the bankers – and that they wouldn’t be getting any more as rubbish collection, teaching, supporting the elderly and ensuring that the public were safe was not nearly so important as having a Porsche and living in a detached house in Surrey with a trophy wife called Porscha.
We watched as the Government managed to lead the world – to the acknowledgement of the world - in strategies to resolve the debt only to read in the papers that Gordon Brown was personally responsible for the recession and he must’ve travelled to the States to bring down the whole, wobbly, foundation of Capitalism. In short, he managed something that Communism didn’t manage to do. Not only that, he was responsible for simultaneously leading us in the wrong direction and failing to lead us. And having poor handwriting – blind or not, he should try harder.
Christmas came and went. We followed the recession spirit and had a family oriented cheapy which worked very well.
We also had three Doctor Who specials
The Waters of Mars
A sinister dark non-starter. The Doctor arrives on Mars before the first base is destroyed. He knows everyone is going to die but not how. 40 mins later he buggers off to let them get on with it and then decides he’s in charge of time and rather than get the TARDIS and save them he runs back, sends a comedy robot to get the TARDIS and saves the last three. One of whom shoots herself to show the error of his time meddling ways. Rather than, say, shooting him.
Ood Sigma turns up to sing at him.
The End of Time – Part One
The Master is resurrected. Wilf wants the Doctor to save Donna. The Doctor refuses. The Master turns everyone into copies of himself. Wilf asks the Doctor to kill the Master and return everyone back to normal. The Doctor refuses. The Master finds a way to save the Time Lords. The Doctor grabs a gun. He’s a bit contrary today.
And Donna has a headache.
The End of Time – Part Two
Donnas’ headache causes her to have a nap, and knock out every copy of the Master in Chiswick. The Time Lords try to bring Gallifrey back in our Solar System – The World is in Peril… more Peril. The Doctor shoots the jury rigged network server with a diamond in it and everything twangs back into place.
Wilf got locked in a box and the Doctor triggers his regeneration by saving him.
He then goes for a few quick trips, shopping for books and lottery tickets for the afterlife, sets up Captain Jack with someone lonely, depressed and half his visible age, provides the kind of brooding, non-talking presence that might persuade Martha to go back to doctoring rather than running around with Mickey the Grunt with the worst hair extensions, has a quick grope of Sarah Jane’s adopted son and messes with his own timeline by setting a bomb in Rose Tyler’s flat to make sure her mum never travels with him.
He then regenerates – which breaks the TARDIS. See I told you better out than in!
His new persona then spouts ‘Catchphrase’!
Well that’s us up to date.
The future lies this way…
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