Bloody, bloody, bloody!

Not only do I have to deal with the railways and their disastrous service, I also have to deal with a man who is sounding like an outraged dowager aunt with a foul mouth. Astonishingly, when something goes wrong, and better still, when a number of things go wrong, my interest in a dramatic recitation of what has gone wrong coupled with a complete list of my perceived faults and omissions that caused the delay, is limited (Presumably I psychically caused someone to throw themselves under a train at Clapham Junction). Frankly I'm rather teetering on the edge here! Hopefully I won't become homicidal, or worse still honest and cutting, which would ultimately cause my loving husband to be buried in a shallow grave on a railway embankment. Currently he's making a noise like a steam train every few minutes and even that is weathering my tolerant exterior after the aforementioned criticisms. Apparently the fact that I got the journey timetable followed by the late arrival of a train started the whole thing off. Indeed the train being late is less of an issue that my timetable being wrong. I tried to point out that the train was late and my timetable was correct but to no avail. Patently I am just ranting but I'm finding it very cathartic. And God I need cathartic now!

De ‘Press’ ed rather than Im ‘Press’ed

A lovely front page headline in the Daily (Hate) Mail which the inestimable Rob sent to me went “Married Couples Live Longer” causing needless grief for the dear boy. Plainly as it’s the (Hate) this should be filtered out to “Respectable, Middle Class, Heterosexual, Anglo-Saxon, Conservative with a percieved small c but actually have a C the size of the Pacific, English, Baptised, Anglican, Sexist, Racist, Homophobic, Bigoted, Married in church without too much fuss, Couples (who could have been divorced or widowed before, we’re quite modern), Live Longer (Than other people who you’ve met by accident or seen on television, probably Eastenders or maybe those funny foreign ones in the Lebanon).

You could so clearly see that the paper had come out before all the airports had been put on high alert. They’ve had no news for days and then PASSENGER MISSILES OF DEATH! NON ANGLO-SAXON KILLERS! BRING BACK HANGING… NO NO BOILING IN OIL! And the news breaks an hour after the print run. Now they just look like they’re trying to catch up. HAND LUGGAGE STILL BANNED APART FROM ESSENTIAL DOCUMENTS, WALLETS AND PURSES, NAPPIES AND MILK IF YOU TEST IT FIRST BUT HAVE TO BE IN A CLEAR PLASTIC BAG SO PEOPLE MIGHT HAVE A LAUGH AT YOUR PASSPORT PHOTO WHICH WOULD BE AN INDIGNITY does not have the same ring as SKIES OF BLOOD.

Nonetheless, what a crowd of vultures!

Just the light hatbox madam?

TERRORIST ALERT! TERRORIST ALERT! TERRORIST ALERT!

Well, it all seems to have kicked off today. Apparently there’s been a plot to take bombs on planes in hand luggage. Again I find it very hard to understand why blowing up planes seems to be the way forward with dealing with people. Again I’m rather hoping that the people they caught weren’t just in possession of swarthy skin and dangerous facial hair.

All hand luggage has to be stowed if you want to fly, causing not a little inconvenience to many travellers. Now I just want the people accused to explain why they wanted to blow up the planes in a clear manner, just to I can get my head round it all. It does seem very galling that whenever something like this happens and the person admits it all we get in the press is a 5 word sound bite about doing it for a religious figure. It often sounds like someone went up to them in the street and said “God asked me to ask you to kill a few hundred people – for his greater glory you understand?” And they said “Well, if it’s for his greater glory, yes, of course.” It never feels like anyone thought about it enough to be able to clearly justify it. I would love to hear the justification with someone who could talk about it to me! Then I could argue and we would be able to understand each others position. Until that day I’m stuck with the concept that the ideals involved – not in general religion but in the specific cases of these people wanting to kill others – are too unformed to be able to justify. Maybe I should have put up

IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT! IDIOT ALERT!

Is life so bad? We still have owls, penguins, bats and polar bears? Our planet, despite being a bit frayed around the edges is still a largely beautiful place.

Bran Muffins

It has come to my attention that foodwise I am somewhat addicted to crap. I enjoy sugar and fat and carbohydrate and protein and everything in-between. This is an issue. As a Goddess I should be a figure of abundance. As anyone who’s been to Gay Gables and been fed will attest, you don’t generally go away hungry. More recently I have been directing my energies towards a more Wholemeal approach. Brown Rice, Brown Pasta, Wholemeal Bread etc. The quality of my food has improved as well with no sawdust laden sausages, cheapest eggs laden with antibiotics and the like. However I still eat too much sugar and fat. Chocolate is a downfall, so are fried foods. I do find myself occasionally craving them – which is just the point, they’re designed to be craved. Whilst evolving our palates became focussed on the things we couldn’t get. Oils and natural sugars particularly. Without nuts and seeds we would have become malnourished over the winter months as most meat was very lean and there was little vegetation. Of course we now do not have any of those periods of want. Instead sugar cane was discovered and then processed to create ‘cheap’ food to satisfy poor families hunger. Then fast food came along with the other area. Flavoured protein/fat combinations, burgers, pizzas, chips etc. All perfectly attuned to a simian brain designed to seek these things out because they’re rare.

When I was younger, and I had less weight around me, I wouldn’t have a problem with these foods. I couldn’t afford to eat out and had to eke out a pack of bourbons for a week so I didn’t run out. Now I have greater income and no restrictions save those that I give myself and all that happens when shopping is my little monkey brain jumping up and down on its branch going “Oook! Oook!” as I pass the chocolate truffles. And there’s no use trying to explain that it’s not fruit as monkeybrain says sweet must be fruit. It’s very frustrating. However, the time has come I think to lock up monkeyboy and go for the alternatives. Nice fresh salads. Stir Frys. Something else soul destroying I can’t think of yet.

Rubbish. I can do this. Think of what this kind of food is doing to America at the moment. Seeing distended children bobbling around like water balloons. Who knows, with the way it’s going with the obesity demographics, by the time I’m 40 I maybe the equivalent of an Adonis!

Every picture needs and understated frame.

I don’t care what the adverts say. Malibu does not go with Piccalilli!

Well here I am after a weekend of Brighton Pride and some debauchery (which sadly included a whole tub of Häagen-Dazs) and I feel like I need a diet (not to say some healing). I feel like I’ve swallowed a sideboard. My diet seems to have gone up the wall a bit. This weekend I tried to be good. Had a Sausage, Egg and Mushroom wrap as I knew we were going to have a busy day. I then followed it up with a spicy bean burger with lots of salad, which was yummy and quite virtuous. And then chips, and more chips. We all then went home and vegetated. Sunday started well as my hubby made kedgeree, which is always good for a ‘morning after’. However after my third bowl I realised that I was probably going down a slippery slope! Not long after this I had a Toffee Crisp minibar and then the aforementioned Häagen-Dazs which, given its calories seems to go down surprisingly easily! At that point I realised movement was futile so I stopped. To follow this up we had an immensely humid night (up to 70% according to my Barometer) and a subsequent sleep full of being boiled, drowning and being smothered. I am not the best rested bunny today!

Tonight we have a lemon fresh visit from the lovely Rob. Hopefully I will not be unconscious!

Cats in a bag!

Normally we don’t have any problems at all; indeed we all look out for each other. However, this morning at 5.30am we were awakened by screeches. No, no-one had been injured, hurt or anything else. It was to girls having a set to outside our front door like two cats in a bag. From what we could gather one claimed that the other had nicked the other’s purse or some such issue. Nonetheless, how you would notice this at 5.30am is beyond me and why they felt the need to leave the house and stand outside to set-to I have no idea. They shut up after a few minutes but left us with rather fractured sleep. I think words may need to be had. Either that or they may need to be spayed.

Sleep! I need sleep!

Money, money, money...

I have sometimes felt that many people don’t understand the… well… not the importance of money, but the relevance of money. Him indoors has often suggested that I ‘not cook’ and ‘we’ll order in’ (I hasten to add this is not some commentary on my cooking, more about time spent relaxing). Today I was able to show him the cost of this lunching out lifestyle when I pointed out that bringing in food to work this week has saved us about £40. And that doing this for a working year saves about £1700. Which is a rather luxurious 2 weeks in Thailand.

He’s now rather keen on the Idea.

Next thing… the smoking!

Dinner with Mollify

We had the lovely Mollify (Molly) round for dinner yesterday. She revealed that she likes Doctor Who but hadn’t had a chance to see any of the new stuff. Big mistake! Needless to say the erroneously named complete first series leapt from the box and onto the screen and much enjoyment was had until the Doctor was being strangled by a disembodied Auton arm. Unfortunately, at that precise moment our DVD player suddenly decided that a still of Chris was all we needed from that point on. We were forced to decamp to the Xbox thingy and continue there. However, if anyone knows of a good, inexpensive surround sound DVD player please do let me know. Nonetheless we finished off Rose and continued to The End of the World which produced similar entrancement.

It is a great joy to show someone who is receptive the series. It’s like watching it all over again with a fresh perspective. The Madam, Ms Sharon slapping The Lady’s leg when the real bad guys turned up in Doomsday was wonderful. It's always a pleasure. The only downside to showing the DVD is the 40 minute run in time while it goes through it's 45 long winded logos. The fact you can't skip the whole title sequence TARDIS console bit as well. I just want to watch. If I want to see the companies involved I'll look at the end credits. Still a good night though.

And then it turned out Molly liked Spaced as well!

Blorp!

Well, another birthday passed in what is turning into the time of life where I feel old and regress to childhood.

The childhood bit was the Ben and Jerry Ice Cream Sundae (on Saturday) where much ice cream was eaten and much buzzy brain effects were appearing. There were children there riding the sucrose switchback, alternating between manic behaviour and diabetic shock. It was a great time though with lots of bands and sugar and sugar and sugar. That evening my husband exploded into high kick numbers and the rumba together with some manic poi dancing.

The old bit was the fact that Top of the Pops has finished. To be fair it was getting pretty ropey with teenage presenters showing off, as Time Out put it 'Ringtones you may know'. One particularly astute young man (who still boasts of his snog of Beyonce) upon seeing the Pink video 'Stupid Girls' (which I love as it lampoons the tits and arse shaking ladies, footballer wives and otherwise genetically human trophies that appear to represent women in the media these days,) described her as 'a bit butch' plainly missing the point and horrifying his female co-presenter. Anyway, Sir Jimmy Saville OPB (Old Peculiar Bugger) and a collection of people who nowadays would be far too old to appear on television aimed at young people (You don't want to tell them that they're mortal or will grow up or they'll stop buying the ringtones) presented a flashback episode with lots of jibes about fashion and haircuts etc. It was OK but a bit sad that something so ingrained on your brain after 34 years is just whimpering off into the corner to die. Of course I did think Doctor Who had done the same but fortunately not.

The Birthday bit was having friends around me, which is always a joy. The Lady had us over for Dodgy Pizza Hut Pizza and anaemic turd ice cream. It was much appreciated with the weather being so hot. And there was much making of merry. Then on Sunday we went out to The Little Apple in Kennington where Dave treated us to a lovely Sunday lunch which I am still suffering.

And of course my Husband who made it special, despite the injuries and burns he sustained over the weekend.

Feeling Hot, hot, hot

Oh dear God. The temperature is, again, rocketing in London and Nitrogen Dioxide is at dangerous levels. It’s London in the summer. We’re perpetually cursed with the location of the city (being surrounded on all sides by hills and sea) effectively trapping all the heat and nasties in with us. And what with the expected temperature increase over the next few years we’ll be up to our armpits in the mire. Of course, it’s at this time of year that people get less pleasant. I have to say I do have to bite back the urge to cudgel people to death on the street as they stop dead in the middle of their street, their children in tow and their Special Brew in hand as some pointless piece of glitter attracts their dull, vacuous eyes as, again, they are enticed into buying some unneccesary piece of excrement on the basis that it will make their pointless existence more endurable.

While I wait behind them for some synapses to spark into life to move them out of the way. This can take some time.

It does get me when you see people entranced by things in shop windows. Poverty is truly not being unable to get food; it’s now that you can’t get a DVD player.

Gosh! I don’t know where that came from!

Bloody Hell! Blood and Sand! Owwww!

Well a quick lunch today to catch up with this. Nothing spectacular apart from some pain. I stopped to chat in the street with a work colleague. We were not obstructing the pavement indeed we'd pulled into the 6 inch wide shade of the building to talk. We were chatting pleasantly when a wheelchair containing someone the size of Canterbury Cathedral ran over my foot. A skill in itself as I had my feet facing forward. A couple of kids on bikes had stopped just behind me so the wheelchair had to circumnavigate the bikes, which I was unaware of. However rather than say "excuse me" the woman pushing the wheelchair had just pushed it over my foot. She then had the cheek to say sorry and said, "if they'd moved their bikes it'd never have happened". Somehow her pushing it over my feet was their fault, rather than hers for not bothering trying to ask us to move.

And now I just want to slap everyone!

Party, Party, Party,Party, Party, Party, Party, Party, Party, Oh God!

This weekend is the Ben and Jerry's Sundae on Clapham Common http://www.benjerry.co.uk/(now on Saturday too!) Which should be good for a laugh. On Sunday this is followed by Carnaval Del Pueblo - Europe's largest Latin American festival http://www.carnavaldelpueblo.co.uk/ which should make sure that our weekends are apropriately filled. I have a feeling I may need 6 months to recover!

Party, Party, Party

Our birthday has come. We are older, We are not a grandmother! Yes it's our 34th birthday and I feel good. A party of the usual suspects turned up to food, drink and merry making. And all enjoyed themselves on pain of death. There was some performance from my sister and hubby and many enjoyed the chilled boudoir with it's aircon and comfy seating.

The Viking invasion!

Well, it’s been a little while since my last post. Unfortunately the last month and a half has whizzed by and I’ve spent too much time enjoying myself to write about it. I know, the life of a Goddess should be pretty fun anyway but there are often a lot of demands on you!

Firstly (and for some, maybe most importantly!) do you, or have you suffered from bank charges? Have you been stiffed with a £25 charge for getting a letter saying you’re 20p overdrawn? Well those charges are considered illegal! Which I didn’t know. The link to the article dealing with this is here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/cgi-bin/viewnews.cgi?newsid1141050760,24632,

Nextly (interestingly ‘nextly’, isn’t a word but should probably be one!) We are about to have a Viking invasion. Yes, you may remember we went to Oslo for Europride last year. Well now we are returning the favour and they are coming here for Europride. Now there are about 500000 people expected to turn up for the event this year. Rather shockingly, that’s the population of Oslo! So I think the boys may be in for a bit of a shock!

We originally met Thomas, who’s lovely, in Gran Canaria where we ended up hanging out together, mainly being silly but had a great time. Since then we’ve been over to see him, Rikard his boyfriend and Tony, a Swedish friend living in Oslo. Sadly Thomas can’t make it over for health reasons but Rikard and Tony should be here for Pride. Rikard hasn’t been here for about 15 years and Tony has never been here. I think there may be a bit of a culture shock about to take place.

##Update## Rikard changed his flight as the earlier one was full so is arriving a little later. Unlike his luggage which appears to be going round a carousel in Helsinki airport. Apparently they will be delivering it. I need more convincing!

Rise of the Cybermen

Bloody Hell! I have to say I was pretty impressed tonight. Cybermen back on the screen in a pretty massive and scary way. And also....

The (almost) death of the TARDIS
The Doctor giving up 10 years of his life
The group being in a paralel Universe
Pete Tyler being alive
And rich
And still with Jackie
And living with Rose
Who in this Universe is a small terrier!
The homeless (and stupid) being kidnapped
Mickeys Grandmother being still alive
Mickey being called Ricky in this Universe
The sounds of human dissection mixed with "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Evil Bluetooth headsets hypnotising everyone.
And lots and lots of Cybermen!

And the Doctor is about to be 'deleted'!

Next week, can't wait!

Ramblin' on

Well here we are, into the last week of The Lady Miss Roberta's tenure as flatmate. It seems such a long time ago that she moved in and now she's ready to go and move out and get her own place. Fortunately it dovetails well with plans for 2006. With my mother and stepfather moving to Spain and my sister subsequently having no other base in the country it falls to me to make sure that a) my mother and stepfather have somewhere to stay when they come back to the UK which, presumably, they will need to from time to time and b) my sister needs some base of operations for her bank and all other correspondence as well as a physical base for her when she's in the UK. The downside is that our income will fall somewhat so we're going to have to balance up some economies. On the positive side it means that I will be able to meal plan much more effectively so much less wastage there, on the negative there goes the Sky +! Also time to renegotiate the mortgage with the bank. There are so many financial variables at the moment so it's going to be interesting to see how much can be saved as a family.

Anyway buggering off for our Saturday moning/afternoon walk.

Enjoy!

Spain

Second trip to Europe in a month, this time for my Mothers Birthday at the House in Almeria. The flight was arranged for 1pm giving us plenty of time to get to the airport. Ha!

I have an interesting time with public transport. I've always strongly believed in it and believed it was a good thing. Unfortunately something tends to happen on it. Disasters mainly. I have had delays unimaginable, been one of hundreds put off trains in the middle of nowhere in the snow, misdirected to a tiny station with only a 2 hour train service, trapped aboard a train with all it's platform facing doors locked shut and on one memorable occasion had a train engine explode next to me. I would not say that I was cursed but more a case of the universe providing me interest in my life.

Which is nice.

We checked the internet and everything was running smoothly, no problem. The chap selling the tickets said nothing. It was after we got our refreshments and headed for the platform and found that the Stansted Express was a coach. And that they didn't allow refreshments.
Then my significant other dropped his coffee down himself.
He then reminded me of the coffee and fact that we were on a coach for most of the rest of the journey.
The rest of the time he felt sick.
Needless to say, the journey was not a joy.

We got to Stansted with half an hour to check-in so no problems and even enough time for a sandwich and coffee before we went to wait at the gate. Got to the light rail which serves the gates at 12:35 which was ample given that we were flying at 13:00. Except there weren't any trains due to a 'technical fault'. For 30 minutes. We got to the Gate with four other travellers, found it closed but after some discussion with a member of staff we were ushered through and then had to navigate a bewildering array of corridors before finding ourselves haring across the tarmac. Fortunately we got on the plane (though it was taxiing as we got our seats) otherwise my mothers birthday might have been a much quieter affair. The Journey passed reasonably quickly and after a slightly bumpy landing we reached the family.

A lovely time was had over in Spain. I do enjoy it! The climate is very pleasant, the people charming and the food and drink delicious and inexpensive. A lovely birthday was had by my mother as we treated her to a deluxe facial, manicure and pedicure.

The journey home had echoes of the journey out with a 3 hour delay on the flight and again a coach home but otherwise no major disasters.

I shall remember the mood of the significant other and won’t invite him along next time!

Who's a tardy, tardy Goddess!

Well, it's been over a month since my last deposit here. On the other hand it's been very busy what with trips to Paris, trips to Spain and various things including singing classes, scaly dishwashers, sinusitis and a somewhat down atmosphere which I'm currently clawing my way out of. It seems that not only is my partner, Diva Stropp and our flatmate and friend 'The Lady' suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (which you can read more about at the UK Seasonal Affective Disorder Association http://www.sada.org.uk/) but I am too. I got Ms Stropp a high intensity light (LED based so reasonable small and portable) but both The Lady and myself have received benefit when we have used it.

I have to say the longer days and (in some cases) improved weather has helped lift my mood. I think I became quite depressed over the broken finger etc so it's rather nice to feel the cloud lift and see some shards of sunlight. I'm also intending to have a much more active year and try to a) Learn to drive; b) learn Spanish; c) learn at least one new skill I haven't done before and d) shake life until it's teeth rattle.

At least that's the idea.

Over the next day I'll put up the blogs I have typed up on my blackberry killer but not got to put online yet.

Toodles!

Tripe and Vino

It's been a while again. I always thought that I would have problems with updating this blog. A broken finger was not something I was expecting to be able to have. It is now much recovered thankfully & I’ve just spent an interesting evening with the lovely Rob discussing essentially tripe, but entertaining tripe. He showed me his Chelmsford 123 and KYTV and I tried to introduce him to my ‘Very Peculiar Practice. Cultural exchange aside it was nice to just laugh for a bit something I feel I have been lacking a bit of late. Good news yesterday. The Lady got herself a promotion. More specifically her work colleagues (who were all looking for other jobs) got fired along with the manager whose position she's taking over from. I'm glad to see she's where she always wanted to be finally.

Paris

Well we decided to go to Paris for a pre- Valentines day 'romantic' day out. Of course I should have realised what would happen. Waking up was not too much of a problem though it was a bit early at 5.30 am and then belting down to Waterloo was a bit bracing also. Orlando managed to face the day with bravery and fortitude despite the early hour and even managed a quick fag with a group of lady travellers who had gone as far as to bring bubbly but needed an emergency nicotine fix on the platform. Once on the train we were unfortunately facing backwards which I never find the most pleasant way of travelling. We were also sat next to a lady with 2 children who were a little 'vocal'. Orlando then missed the Chunnel by being in the loo. Of course I explained that the Chunnel didn't have any bright lights or dancing girls and looked in fact like a dark tunnel. Nonetheless he didn't believe me and felt that he'd missed a great moment. I actually didn't know we were in France until some minutes after we'd left the tunnel. Apparently there was an announcement which only the people in the toilets heard. This, interestingly, meant that Orlando was the first to know when we entered France.

Once we arrived we went straight to The Eiffel Tower for the most stereotypical visit to France wit an amazing view over the capital. After a quick visit to the Trocadero the hubby decided he'd not seen enough Gay life and so we took a taxi to the 'gay' area, at least according to the Taxi driver. We were then redirected to a bar that, to be honest, appeared mixed but had some eye candy behind the bar. We were then redirected to a restaurant up the street where I enjoyed a quite passable Carbonara. We walked to the nearest Metro with the intention to return to the Eurostar but were thwarted by the inconsiderate person who threw themselves onto the track. This being Paris there were very few tourists who were equipped to understand what the message over the tannoy meant so while all the Parisians got off we were all left on the tube before , hesitantly getting off ourselves. I then did what I had done for the rest of the time in Paris. I tried to speak to a Parisian in French. I managed to say. Excuse me I'm a British Tourist with very few French skills, may I ask what's happening? And I have to say despite the somewhat fearsome reputation the Parisians have for not talking to people who cannot speak French (Or even if you do and are not from Paris) I found everyone helpful and supportive and in many cases were happy to speak in English. As the Queen Mother used to say ‘Respect'.
The lady who I asked was very helpful and explained what happened and immediately about four or five tourists came up to me and asked me what was going on including a Japanese couple who didn't speak English! I can only assume that they found me less intimidating than the French!

Anyway we bypassed the problem and headed back to the UK on the (fortunately much less packed with kids) Eurostar.

Just as an aside £25 of Tesco Clubcard vouchers can get you a day trip to Paris. See how here. www.moneysavingexpert.com.